The Affectionate Film Emperor Only Loves Me

Luck value?

 

Lin Jianghe reopened his character panel and found that the Luck Value stat had changed from “Lucky Value:?” to “Lucky Value: ? (+1)”

 

Did this mean that he would be luckier in the future? It sounded pretty good.

 

Then there was the other skill, ‘Mermaid’s Voice’. He opened the mall and searched for this skill.

 

Mermaid Voice: Mermaids are the kings of the sea, and singing is their innate instinct and talent, possessing this skill will give you the voice of a mermaid.

Price: 5,000,000 points

 

How expensive!

 

Lin Jianghe sat cross-legged on the sofa and sang a song that sounded as if it was music from the world of the immortals. It was a voice so melodious that it did not seem to belong to the mortal world.

 

He felt like he was getting intoxicated by the sound of the song.

 

‘Wow, I sing so well! I’m going to be a singer! I’m sure I’ll make a fortune, get to the top of my life, beat the rich white girls and marry the rich guy!1打败白富美，迎娶高富帅 literal translation: defeat Bai Fumei, and marry Gao Fushuai. An english equivalent would probably be kick ass and get the girl man. Fun fact, the saying is supposed to be the opposite (aka defeat the rich guys and marry the rich white girl) , but our optimistic MC changed it to suit his sexuality’

 

‘Don’t stop me, I want to be a world-class singer!’

 

Lin Jianghe ran around the living room excitedly. Luckily, no one was there in the house, otherwise he might have scared the kids2不然他可能会吓坏小朋友 Mc doesn’t mean this literally. It just means that his actions were weird and random..

 

[Don’t worry, I won’t stop you, and I’m sure that even with only three months to live, you’ll be able to become a world class singer with this skill].

 

Lin Jianghe stumbled on his feet and almost fell to the ground.

 

While he had been busy walking on clouds, the system actually dared to carry a knife and stab towards his heart!

 

He sat down with his knees in his arms and rested his cheeks on one hand.

 

[I can only live for three months, is that beneficial for you?]

 

[Of course not, dear host. That’s why I just gave you a friendly reminder.]

 

Lin Jianghe raised his eyebrows; he didn’t believe a single punctuation mark3This novel has a lot of wordplays, references and idioms. MC is saying that let alone a simple letter, he doesn’t even believe in a single punctuation mark. this is because punctuation marks are smaller than letters in the system’s explanation.

 

[Okay, I’ll take that as a friendly reminder, so what’s your solution?]

 

The system couldn’t have gone to such lengths to send him over just so it could experience the spiritual journey of a patient with terminal stomach cancer. Had that been the case, the organization behind it would never have reached this size.

 

[The first thing you need to do is open the system mall and search for cancer medication, and you will find a product called “Anti-Cancer No. 16”.]

 

Lin Jianghe did as he was told and soon found the medicine the system was talking about.

 

Anti-Cancer No. 16: A medicine developed by the A Research Institute, it can effectively kill cancer cells in the body, non-toxic, harmless and without side effects. It is your best choice.

Price: 1000 points.

 

Compared to other treatments that required the use of various instruments, as well as some goods that were grayed out, signifying that they could not be chosen, this medicine was indeed Lin Jianghe’s optimal choice.

 

It was just that the price made Lin Jianghe feel a little emotional.

 

This was cancer! How advanced was the technology in the time and space where the A Research Institute was located?

 

[System, where is the A Research Institute?]

 

[Dear host, your authority is not high enough; your question can’t be answered.]

 

It seemed like it might not be in this time and space, so Lin Jianghe didn’t dwell too much on the issue. Without delay, he immediately clicked on the buy button.

 

[Where is the medicine?]

 

[Dear host, the item is inside your portable space, you can click to take it out yourself.]

 

After completing a few procedures, a small off-white pill no more than 5 mm in diameter appeared in Lin Jianghe’s hand.

 

He opened his mouth and swallowed the pill, which melted in his mouth without leaving any taste or special sensation.

 

[System, how does this pill work? When will the cancer be cured?]

 

[Dear host, the exact principle involves intellectual property rights as well as technological barriers, so I cannot tell you. As for the question of when your disease will be cured, I can answer you instead.]

 

[Dear, judging from your physical condition, you will be cured after taking the medicine for a hundred consecutive days.]

 

Lin Jianghe jolted up.

 

[What did you say?]

 

[You will be cured! Are you not very happy?]

 

[Not that one, the previous sentence.]

 

[Dear host, the exact principle involves intellectual property and technological barriers, so I can’t tell you. As for the question of when your disease will be cured, I can answer you.]

 

If the system was in front of him now, he would let him know why the flowers were so red4花儿为什么这样红: I thought this was a twisted idiom, but it is actually a chinese slang. It’s something that is said as a way to ridicule somebody or as a threat. Apparently, 8th grade science textbooks in China contain a chapter which explains the science behind the color of flowers. However, this phrase has been turned into a meme. it’s like “you messed up? let laozi teach you why flowers are red”
tldr; It’s a threat like ‘let me teach you a lesson’ or ‘come here and I’ll teach you the meaning of life’
Read more about this here: https://www.sohu.com/a/297985213_755288!

 

[The phrase in the middle of the latter sentence.]

 

[After a hundred days of continuous medication.]

 

Lin Jianghe had a dangerous look on his face, and the system that was snickering behind him suddenly felt a chill run down the back of its neck.

 

The back of the neck? Did it even have a back of the neck?

 

[This medicine needs to be taken continuously.]

 

[Yes, dear, didn’t I introduce it to you just now?]

 

Lin Jianghe gave a cold laugh.

 

[Ah! I’m sorry, dear, I forgot to introduce it to you.]

 

[Dear host, this medicine is supposed to be taken as per the following prescription: one capsule per day. One course of treatment lasts ten days, the course of treatment required for patients with different medical conditions is different. Judging from your health condition, it will take ten courses of treatment to heal.]

 

Lin Jianghe carefully checked the details of the product and it was indeed as described by the system. He also carefully checked the details of the other items, and this medicine recommended by the system was indeed the optimal choice.

 

In other words, even if he were to file a complaint, the system would most likely not be punished.

 

But was this fact enough to make Lin Jianghe give up on this? Obviously not.

 

[I want to file a complaint!]

 

……

 

Sure enough, he was only compensated with 100 points.

 

[Host?]

 

Lin Jianghe’s long silence made the system a little scared. Like a small animal that had sensed the danger in advance, it began to make an effort to show its worth while also changing the topic.

 

[Don’t worry, with the two skills you possess, you will definitely be able to complete the system quest and gain enough points.]

 

[System Quest?]

 

The system showed a devious smile.

 

[Yes, dear host, this system quest is mainly to help you gain more points. There is no penalty for not completing them, and they are customized according to your current situation.]

 

[You customized it?]

 

Lin Jianghe rubbed his chin.

 

[Of course not, dear host, this system task is designed by the independent task system you are equipped with.]

 

How can I check my quests?

 

[Beep, Do you want to proceed with the food quest? Please confirm.]

 

[I confirm.]

 

There was an additional column of task panel on the system panel.

 

Main Quest I: Naming Quest (Unfinished)

Kind Quester yo, please name your new little friend according to the characteristics of your accompanying system!

Mission reward: 100 points

Daily Task: Food Live Broadcast(Incomplete)

Diligent missionary yo, the early bird gets the worm, live stream for an hour every day and reap the points from the audience!

Mission Reward: 10 points

 

Daily Task: Divine Chef (Incomplete)

Young missionary, if you want to become a god of cooking, regular practice is a must. One dish a day will soon help you become a god of cooking!

Mission item: Hibiscus Chicken Slices (not yet collected)/ Furong Chicken Strips

Task reward: Duck feet in dry pot

Lin Jianghe looked at the first task, and a smile resurfaced on his face.

 

[Choosing a name according to your characteristics?]

 

[Yes, dear host.]

 

[Your special traits, I know what they are.]

 

[What’s wrong, dear host?]

 

The system tried to show off its cuteness, but it still felt a little panicked. After all, it had just tried to trick him, he wouldn’t take advantage of this opportunity to retaliate, would he?

 

A temporarily cheap mouth5a mouth that has no filter and spouts out stuff without any proper inputs from the brain brings temporary pleasure, an inborn cheap mouth is always a pleasure!6时嘴贱一时爽，时时嘴贱时时爽！Yīshí zuǐ jiàn yīshí shuǎng, shíshí zuǐ jiàn shíshí shuǎng – This one is very confusing. I searched for an idiom similar to this but I couldn’t find any. Then I realised that it’s wordplay again. The system is using the wrong saying, wait and see, it will change it to the correct saying in the next line.
Sigh this novel has way too many wordplays for my smooth brain….. My brain’s about to turn into a smoothie…..

 

Eh, no! It should be: “A cheap mouth brings a moment of pleasure and a lifetime of regrets!7嘴贱一时爽，贱后火葬场！Zuǐ jiàn yīshí shuǎng, jiàn hòu huǒzàng chǎng!
Literal translation: a cheap mouth is cool for a while and a crematorium afterwards. I don’t have a proper explaination for crematorium, but my personal understanding if that it’s a trope where a person regrets their past deeds and tries to correct his wrongs, but they never get their redemption.
crematorium = regretting something without a chance to repent” If anybody has a better suggestion for this line, (and the previous one) that makes everything sound better without changing the meaning or removing the wordplay, then please mention them in the comments, this one feels awkward af. Thanks

 

Lin Jianghe revealed a sunny smile, paused to give the system enough time to regret, and then opened his mouth.

 

[I feel that you’re quite cute, just the way I like, so I’ll give you a name according to another thing that I like.]

 

 What? The system couldn’t believe its own log8The conversation log of the system, what did the host just say? Cute? Like?

 

The system suddenly felt a little weak. It seemed that this host was not that bad a person, it should stop bullying him in the future and get along with him.

 

The system did not notice the subtext in Lin Jianghe’s words.

 

[Thank you dear host, you’re making me blush]

 

[Name: “New Year’s Day”].

 

[From now on, your official name will be “New Year’s Day” and your nickname will be “Xiao Jiejie9Again, a wordplay. (Kill me already)
年货节 is new year’s day. The 节 (jié) in the end means festival. However, when the same character is repeated twice, aka 节节 (jié jié) it means step by step/little by little, which is something completely different. I am not sure about this, but it might also be a slang for knucklehead(at least, according to my translator) Also, 节 and 价 have similar pronunciation (jie) and different intonation and the latter means servant.“. I’ll just call you by your nickname, it sounds more friendly.

 

[……]

 

[ How about it? Does it fit you well? You don’t have to be too thankful, this is what I should do.]

 

[You are fond of it? Why is it “New Year’s Day”?]

 

The system was so mad that it forgot to add “dear” and “why10Ah yes, yet another wordplay that wont make any sense after translation! yay me! This one is a tricky one (again). So technically speaking, the character used here is 呢, which is like the indicator that the character before it is supposed to be a question. There is no proper translation. The closest you can translate it to is a question mark (even though that’s not quite right either)
Again, it’s a wordplay. Since we can’t add question marks when we are speaking, I decided to use the next best thing, that is, a word that indicates the beginning of a question. You might’ve noticed that the sentence before it is pretty weird to read, it’s because the system is so mad that it ommitted a few words. They make sense in chinese but not so much in english.
你喜欢的样子，为什么会是“年货节”?
系统已经精神错乱到忘了说“亲亲”和“呢”了呢。here is the actual raw, please tell me in the comments if you have a better way to phrase it.
Tl,dr; The system wanted to say “Dear, why are you fond of it? Why is it new year’s day?”, but in its anger, it ommitted the first two words“.

 

Lin Jianghe explained the reason.

 

[You brought me into this world before the New Year, I missed the New Year’s Eve sale that I had been preparing for since a long time ago. I had made an entire list of items I’d wanted to buy, all in vain. Of course I’ll be unreconciled with this fact.]

 

Xiao Jiejie was very aggrieved. [But, if I hadn’t brought you here, you wouldn’t have been able to make it either!]

 

Lin Jianghe responded with a smile. [Xiao Jiejie, let’s not worry about these details, okay?]

 

Xiao Jiejie was still trying to save the day and refused to give up easily.

 

[So, why is it ‘jiejie’ and not just ‘jie11I’ve explained it before, but jiejie means slang for knucklehead and jie means festival‘?]

 

[Dear, it’s our dialect back home.]

 

Hearing the familiar tone of voice, a feeling of nausea suddenly rose up in little Jiejie’s heart, and it ran away to a corner in order to hide and cry.

 

Lin Jianghe crossed his legs and sat on the sofa, humming a little tune as he checked out the following tasks.

 

Sliced chicken with hibiscus, it looked quite delicious.

 

Clicking to collect it, Lin Jianghe suddenly had an extra memory in his mind. The recipe of the dish, complete with the steps as well as the ingredients used, was burned into his mind, as if he had made this dish a thousand times.

 

Lin Jianghe went to the kitchen with high spirits and opened the fridge.

 

Only to find it empty.

 

“Days and nights are like winter nights~ sadness comes, I never refuse~

Anyway, everything is empty empty empty~”12As you might’ve guessed already, I’ve been traumatised by the wordplay in this story. Imagine my surprise when I googled this phrase, expecting yet another night wasted for a footnote most people won’t even read, but then I found this is actually a lyrics to a song! It’s called “空空如也” (empty), by Ren Ran. You can listen to this song here: https://baike.baidu.com/item/%E7%A9%BA%E7%A9%BA%E5%A6%82%E4%B9%9F/22287272

 

It’s fine, he could just go out and buy everything.

 

Buy? Then the question arose, did he have the money?

 

Lin Jianghe picked up the original owner’s phone again. Great! It was a powerful model.

 

Powerful enough to smash walnuts in a single hit.

 

The good news was that there was no lock screen password, the bad news was that there was no need for a lock screen password. An outdated brick model like this one could only be used to make calls and send text messages13And smashing walnuts.. teehee. You can get an idea about the phone if you google the 3310 model of nokia…. yeah, the one that can replace mjolnir.

 

So the question was, what was for dinner tonight? And, what about live streaming?

 

Lin Jianghe had a smile on his face and an MMP14Most people know this one, its a chinese slang with the full form ma mai pi (pinyin) (sounds like Ma my pee) and it stands for motherf**k*r HAHAHA I find it funny af in his heart.

This chapter felt like torture, I mean, just look at the footnotes! Anyway, Did you like these tls? Then you can consider leaving a nice rating or review on this story’s NU page. However I must warn the readers, this is a sweet and brainless short novel which doesn’t have a lot of drama. It’s just a feel good novel, and the MC will be very OP. If you don’t like this kind of novel, you can opt not to read it, but please don’t give it bad ratings just because it’s not to your taste.

1打败白富美，迎娶高富帅 literal translation: defeat Bai Fumei, and marry Gao Fushuai. An english equivalent would probably be kick ass and get the girl man. Fun fact, the saying is supposed to be the opposite (aka defeat the rich guys and marry the rich white girl) , but our optimistic MC changed it to suit his sexuality’2不然他可能会吓坏小朋友 Mc doesn’t mean this literally. It just means that his actions were weird and random.3This novel has a lot of wordplays, references and idioms. MC is saying that let alone a simple letter, he doesn’t even believe in a single punctuation mark. this is because punctuation marks are smaller than letters4花儿为什么这样红: I thought this was a twisted idiom, but it is actually a chinese slang. It’s something that is said as a way to ridicule somebody or as a threat. Apparently, 8th grade science textbooks in China contain a chapter which explains the science behind the color of flowers. However, this phrase has been turned into a meme. it’s like “you messed up? let laozi teach you why flowers are red”
tldr; It’s a threat like ‘let me teach you a lesson’ or ‘come here and I’ll teach you the meaning of life’
Read more about this here: https://www.sohu.com/a/297985213_755288!
5a mouth that has no filter and spouts out stuff without any proper inputs from the brain6时嘴贱一时爽，时时嘴贱时时爽！Yīshí zuǐ jiàn yīshí shuǎng, shíshí zuǐ jiàn shíshí shuǎng – This one is very confusing. I searched for an idiom similar to this but I couldn’t find any. Then I realised that it’s wordplay again. The system is using the wrong saying, wait and see, it will change it to the correct saying in the next line.
Sigh this novel has way too many wordplays for my smooth brain….. My brain’s about to turn into a smoothie…..7嘴贱一时爽，贱后火葬场！Zuǐ jiàn yīshí shuǎng, jiàn hòu huǒzàng chǎng!
Literal translation: a cheap mouth is cool for a while and a crematorium afterwards. I don’t have a proper explaination for crematorium, but my personal understanding if that it’s a trope where a person regrets their past deeds and tries to correct his wrongs, but they never get their redemption.
crematorium = regretting something without a chance to repent” If anybody has a better suggestion for this line, (and the previous one) that makes everything sound better without changing the meaning or removing the wordplay, then please mention them in the comments, this one feels awkward af. Thanks8The conversation log of the system9Again, a wordplay. (Kill me already)
年货节 is new year’s day. The 节 (jié) in the end means festival. However, when the same character is repeated twice, aka 节节 (jié jié) it means step by step/little by little, which is something completely different. I am not sure about this, but it might also be a slang for knucklehead(at least, according to my translator) Also, 节 and 价 have similar pronunciation (jie) and different intonation and the latter means servant.10Ah yes, yet another wordplay that wont make any sense after translation! yay me! This one is a tricky one (again). So technically speaking, the character used here is 呢, which is like the indicator that the character before it is supposed to be a question. There is no proper translation. The closest you can translate it to is a question mark (even though that’s not quite right either)
Again, it’s a wordplay. Since we can’t add question marks when we are speaking, I decided to use the next best thing, that is, a word that indicates the beginning of a question. You might’ve noticed that the sentence before it is pretty weird to read, it’s because the system is so mad that it ommitted a few words. They make sense in chinese but not so much in english.
你喜欢的样子，为什么会是“年货节”?
系统已经精神错乱到忘了说“亲亲”和“呢”了呢。here is the actual raw, please tell me in the comments if you have a better way to phrase it.
Tl,dr; The system wanted to say “Dear, why are you fond of it? Why is it new year’s day?”, but in its anger, it ommitted the first two words11I’ve explained it before, but jiejie means slang for knucklehead and jie means festival12As you might’ve guessed already, I’ve been traumatised by the wordplay in this story. Imagine my surprise when I googled this phrase, expecting yet another night wasted for a footnote most people won’t even read, but then I found this is actually a lyrics to a song! It’s called “空空如也” (empty), by Ren Ran. You can listen to this song here: https://baike.baidu.com/item/%E7%A9%BA%E7%A9%BA%E5%A6%82%E4%B9%9F/2228727213And smashing walnuts.. teehee. You can get an idea about the phone if you google the 3310 model of nokia…. yeah, the one that can replace mjolnir14Most people know this one, its a chinese slang with the full form ma mai pi (pinyin) (sounds like Ma my pee) and it stands for motherf**k*r HAHAHA I find it funny af