The Affectionate Film Emperor Only Loves Me

“Be quiet, or else it’s just a matter of three incense sticks on New Year’s Day1逢年过节三炷香的事 Féng nián guòjié sān zhù xiāng de shì : I tried to search a lot but I didn’t get a proper answer to it. I am guessing that since incense is predominantly used in funerals and to worship ancestors and gods, the phrase here is supposed to mean “be quiet, otherwise you’ll die”.”

 

A cold, elegant male voice rang out in Lin Jianghe’s ears followed by a dull slamming sound.

 

What kind of sand sculpture drama2沙 雕 shādiāo: means sand sculpture. Its pronunciation is very similar to 傻屌 shǎdiǎo which means stupid. Due to censorship, people use this word as an euphemism to describe something silly/stupid(derogatory) was this! Let dad see which good son was watching another sand sculpture drama so early in the morning. Although the male lead’s voice was nice, it was disturbing to play something like this so early in the morning!

 

Lin Jianghe rubbed his swollen and painful temples, ready to teach this housemate a good lesson, but found himself sitting on a fabric sofa, looking around. Nothing around him seemed familiar.

 

‘Has the corpse been cleaned up already3Just in case you didn’t understand, MC means it as a metaphor. It’s not supposed to be literal. It’s supposed to mean, “You closed down everything before I could come and teach you a lesson. You are pretty insightful”? Let me see which cutie is so insightful?’

 

He stood up and tried to look around for clues.

 

‘Eh? No, this height, did I suddenly get shorter? Also, wasn’t I playing a game in the dorm last night?’

 

Noticing that something was wrong, Lin Jianghe took a few quick steps to the bathroom, where a completely unfamiliar face appeared in the mirror.

 

‘Oh, so it’s just transmigration. I thought it was something big.’

 

He sat down on the floor with a smile on his face, pondering the feasibility of getting back to his world by jumping off a building, but after careful consideration, he decided that this method was not very practical.

 

After all, he had never heard of any protagonist who managed to return to his world by jumping off a building after being transmigrated to an unfamiliar world.

 

What should he do then? Should he just follow the usual principle, first fall in love and then die? Was it possible that the Great God of transmigration saw that he had been single for too long and assigned a gong4gong aka the attacker aka the seme aka the one who is on top to him?

 

He suddenly felt a little nervous. He didn’t know what kind of script he had been assigned; it shouldn’t be 1Vn5it means one person having multiple lovers….Man…this mc is…. wild…. He barely transmigrated and he’s already dreaming of getting his own harem of gongs… wheeze……

 

Lin Jianghe frowned, but the corners of his mouth quietly hooked up, and a closer look would show a hint of drool hanging there.

 

【Beep …… system loading, please be patient ……】

 

The electronic sound in his head interrupted Lin Jianghe’s wild thoughts and pulled him back into the real world.

 

The system? He was getting a gold finger6Most of you probably know it already, but a gold finger is a cheat skill/plugin/special power that becomes the basis of success and makes your life easy, bringing you to the pinnacle of life with minimum inputs and work. I think we are all familiar with this term. now? He was both nervous and excited……

 

Half an hour later, Lin Jianghe sat back down on the sofa. The system still hadn’t loaded successfully. Ultimately, he decided to sleep and see if he could obtain the original owner’s memories first, just like what was written in other novels.

 

【Beep …… system loaded successfully. Hello host, I am Gourmet System 009. I am happy to serve you.]

 

He was woken up before he could properly fall asleep. Understandably, Lin Jianghe wasn’t in a great mood.

 

“Well, what then?”

 

[The host can earn points by making others gain pleasure from food, and the points can be used as currency to buy items from the system mall.]

 

“I have a question. Currency refers to commodities that are fixed as general equivalents, so do you have a stockpile of equivalent gold and silver?”

 

[Er, yes, we do, dear host.]

 

[Host can talk to me directly in your head, you don’t have to speak out loud.]

 

“Why did you bind with to me without my consent?”

 

Lin Jianghe did not follow the system’s instructions, and continued speaking out loud.

 

[Host can choose to unbind, and I will send you back to your original time and space. However, in the original time and space, you died suddenly due to staying up late to play games, and because of the time difference between the two worlds, your body should have been cremated by the time you return.].

 

[Beep …… Please confirm if you want to unbind from the system.]

 

“Unbind!” Lin Jianghe’s voice was strong and his expression was as firm as iron.

 

【Okay, I will proceed to introduce you to ……】

 

【?!!! What did you say?】

 

[Unbind me and send me back to the original time and space.] Lin Jianghe’s entire body was splayed out on the sofa, too lazy to speak again.

 

[Sorry, host we don’t have this function here.]

 

[Didn’t you just say you could send me back to the original time and space?]

 

    [Zee …… system failure, Zee ……]

 

[Dear host, I am sorry to say that the system was just attacked by an unknown hacker which resulted in the loss of some logs. I don’t know what you just said about going back to the original time and space. Smile.jpg]

 

[ I want to unbind.]

 

[Sorry, dear, this code is invalid.]

 

Lin Jianghe snorted coldly, 

 

[Alright, tell me about your purpose.]

 

[Dear host, you are currently inside the novel you just read, and you have transmigrated into the character with the same name and surname as you.

 

The same name and surname?

 

[You’re not talking about the book I have lying on my bed, are you?]

 

[Yes, dear host.]

 

[I haven’t had a chance to read that book yet.]

 

[Really, dear, that’s such a pity! It’s really a shame that I don’t have any information related to the plot of this world to offer you either.]

 

Lin Jianghe now had a better understanding of how unreliable the system was.

 

[I don’t expect to know about the plot of this world anymore, but what about the memories of the original body? You don’t even have that, do you?]

 

[I have a brief description of the first half of the original body’s life.]

 

A translucent screen appeared in front of Lin Jianghe, and there were a few hundred words on it.

 

This description really was very brief.

 

In short, the original body was a poor young man whose father died early and whose mother remarried. Ever since his childhood, his father did not love his mother, and his mother never cared about him either. His schooling had been paid for by the help of state subsidies as well as the odd jobs he took on in his spare time. 

 

He had just graduated from university, and before he could enjoy his life, he found out that he had late stage stomach cancer due to his irregular diet. The diagnosis gave him a time limit of a maximum of three months.

 

Three days ago his mother suddenly contacted him, and he thought he would be able to enjoy a bit of motherly love before he died, but to his surprise he was sold to a family as a man’s wife.

 

The one who had just left was his nominal husband – Du Tong.

 

Lin Jianghe recalled the last words that Du Tong had left behind and somewhat understood his attitude towards the original owner of this body.

 

He took out the mobile phone in the original owner’s school bag with the intent to order takeout first.

 

However, before he could do that, a sudden gush of blood welled up inside his mouth, accompanied by a sharp pain.

 

So painful ……

 

The phone clattered on the floor, and Lin Jianghe was already on the verge of losing his consciousness from the excruciating pain. His entire body curled up on the sofa as he slowly calmed his breath.

 

[System, what’s going on?]

 

[This is a normal symptom of advanced stomach cancer.]

 

[I want to unbind.]

 

[Code error.]

 

[I want to file a complaint!]

 

[Beep, the complaint procedure is activated, may I ask what you want to complain about?]

 

A pleasant voice echoed in Lin Jianghe’s mind.

 

[No, no, no, don’t file a complaint! We can discuss it! I can lend you some points to shield you from the pain.]

 

[I want to file a complaint ……]

 

[It’s not a loan, it’s a gift, I’ll give you 100 points.]

 

The system started to freak out.

 

[Beep, 100 points have arrived.]

 

[I no longer want to file a complaint.]

 

[Okay, have a nice life!]

 

The aggrieved system curled up into a ball: You devil! QAQ!

 

Lin Jianghe threw the blood-soaked blanket into the washing machine, rinsed his mouth, washed the blood off his face and hands, and sat cross-legged on the sofa.

 

Fortunately, the blood hadn’t splashed anywhere else, otherwise it would’ve been a pain to clean up everything.

 

[What can I buy with 100 points?]

 

[Dear host, I suggest you buy this shielding instrument, which can be used to shield the pain.]

 

Lin Jianghe looked at the description, but did not intend to buy the system’s recommended shielding device. After all, the sensation of pain was a human alarm mechanism. If you lost it completely, it would be difficult to give a timely response when facing danger, but if it could be blocked by a percentage, it could still be considered.

 

[Can it be shielded by percentage?]

 

[Dear host, this 100 point shielding device doesn’t have that feature.]

 

The system’s meaning was clear to Lin Jianghe, 

 

[Then how many points are needed?]

 

[1000 points.]

 

[System, do I have initial points?]

 

A character panel appeared in front of Lin Jianghe, and it was clearly written – Points: 100.

 

The 100 points he had just extorted from the system were still warm in his system wallet..

 

[So, do I get a newbie gift pack?]

 

The system paused suspiciously for a moment, [No yet, dear host.]

 

[Oh, yeah?]

 

[Yes, dear host.]

 

[I want to……]

 

[Dear host, ying ying ying7The onomatopoeia for (normally fake and dramatic) crying/sobbing…… I accidentally lost your newbie gift bag, can I compensate you with 1000 points?]

 

This system was full of lies!

 

Lin Jianghe leaned back with a disdainful face, [Stop wailing. Either give me the big gift bag or I’ll file a complaint, there is no other way!]

[Beep! The newbie gift bag has arrived, please check the items. We wish you a happy life!]

 

The system hid in a corner and cried, this host was too difficult to raise!

 

A flashing envelope appeared at the top of the character panel. Lin Jianghe used his mind to tap it open.

 

Congratulations, you have received 1000 points, a chance to a lucky draw and the Sick Beauty Aura (1.0).

 

[What is the Sick Beauty Aura?]

 

[It allows you to have a charming temperament even when you are sick, so you can still look beautiful even if you are standing at the doors of death.]

 

[Are you kidding me?]

 

[Dear host, I’m just introducing you to the effects of the aura.]

 

The system’s tone revealed innocence and confusion, like a deer hiding in the grass, blinking a pair of big, moist eyes.

 

Lin Jianghe’s tone was light and airy, 

 

[You just seemed to want to swallow my newbie gift bag.]

 

A large Arctic Fox8只大西几扑了上去 This sentence didn’t make any sense (at least to my machine translator) After a lot of searching, the closest I came to were two options: a cicada, and daji, who was a consort viewed as a fox demon in chinese history/literature. The latter makes more sense to me, but if you have a better suggestion then please tell me in the comments. pounced on it.

 

[Beep, 1000 points have arrived.]

 

Little, innocent Deer: GAME OVER

 

Lin Jianghe clicked on the mall in the bottom left corner, spent 1000 points for the advanced shielding device, and set it to shield 80% of the pain sensation.

 

The throbbing pain in his stomach became much weaker until it could barely be felt.

 

Then, he clicked on the draw button next to the mall.

 

A big spinner appeared on the entire interface, and in the top right corner of the big spinner was a question mark, which, when tapped, showed the chances of obtaining the various items on this spinner.

 

    100 points - 50%     1000 points - 15%     10,000 points - 3%     100,000 points - 1%     One random level 1 skill - 0.1%     One random level 2 skill - 0.01%    One random level 3 skill - 0.001%     Thank you for your patronage - 0.889%     Any item in the mall - 30%

 

[What is a skill?]

 

[It’s an ability, similar to the Sick Beauty Aura that the host just obtained.]

 

[ Is the highest level of this skill Level 3?]

 

[Yes.]

 

The pointer spun rapidly, and after half a minute, the speed of the pointer slowed down, wobbling and barely moving, looking like it was about to stop at 100,000 points.

 

Lin Jianghe couldn’t help but hold his breath as the system that was secretly beating the imaginary villain9It’s like beating a punching bag in anger. Also, if it isn’t clear, system had been beating the imaginary villain with an imaginary (?) slipper…. don’t think much about it, it’s supposed to make it cartoonish and humorous threw away the slippers in its hand, the heavens had no eyes!

 

Under the close watch of the two, the pointer slowly left the 100000 points section and came to the ‘thank you for your patronage’ section.

 

Lin Jianghe was a bit discouraged, his luck couldn’t be that bad.

 

The system happily retrieved the slippers and even hugged and kissed them fiercely a few times.

 

From today onwards you are my, the system’s, new lucky charm!

 

The pointer, unaware of the duo’s complex mental activities, was still moving tenaciously, little by little, showing no signs of stopping.

 

Finally, it stopped at the verge of thanking them for their patronage.

 

[Beep! Congratulations on acquiring the Skill – Mermaid Voice (1.0)]

 

[Beep! Congratulations on gaining the skill on your first draw, earning you the title of Little Achiever of the Draw. Equipping this title increases your chances of drawing your preferred option in the raffle by five times.]

 

[Beep! Congratulations, you have unlocked the title of Lucky Draw Master, your luck value is +1.]

 

System: I’m wasted. Self-shutdown. jpg

 

Hi! I am nosebleed-chan! I bring to you this new novel, “The Affectionate Film Emperor Only Loves Me”! This is a short and sweet, brainless little novel. Please don’t use a lot of common sense for this story, it’s only supposed to be lighthearted!

If you liked this chapter, you can consider buying me a Kofi. Thanks for reading!

 

1逢年过节三炷香的事 Féng nián guòjié sān zhù xiāng de shì : I tried to search a lot but I didn’t get a proper answer to it. I am guessing that since incense is predominantly used in funerals and to worship ancestors and gods, the phrase here is supposed to mean “be quiet, otherwise you’ll die”2沙 雕 shādiāo: means sand sculpture. Its pronunciation is very similar to 傻屌 shǎdiǎo which means stupid. Due to censorship, people use this word as an euphemism to describe something silly/stupid(derogatory)3Just in case you didn’t understand, MC means it as a metaphor. It’s not supposed to be literal. It’s supposed to mean, “You closed down everything before I could come and teach you a lesson. You are pretty insightful”4gong aka the attacker aka the seme aka the one who is on top5it means one person having multiple lovers….Man…this mc is…. wild…. He barely transmigrated and he’s already dreaming of getting his own harem of gongs… wheeze6Most of you probably know it already, but a gold finger is a cheat skill/plugin/special power that becomes the basis of success and makes your life easy, bringing you to the pinnacle of life with minimum inputs and work. I think we are all familiar with this term.7The onomatopoeia for (normally fake and dramatic) crying/sobbing8只大西几扑了上去 This sentence didn’t make any sense (at least to my machine translator) After a lot of searching, the closest I came to were two options: a cicada, and daji, who was a consort viewed as a fox demon in chinese history/literature. The latter makes more sense to me, but if you have a better suggestion then please tell me in the comments.9It’s like beating a punching bag in anger. Also, if it isn’t clear, system had been beating the imaginary villain with an imaginary (?) slipper…. don’t think much about it, it’s supposed to make it cartoonish and humorous