Reluctantly Willing

It was New Year’s and everyone was home for the holiday. It was very difficult to find someone in this large city.

Gu Jun called after only two hours to ask if he was found. Chen Chen could only answer honestly that he didn’t.

“You must find him today!”

Gu Jun put down his phone. He shouldn’t have agreed to let An Xiaoyan watch fireworks at the Oriental Eye. An Xiaoyan was a murderer. He didn’t have the right to see those beautiful fireworks. Why should he have a good New Year’s?

Gu Jun was in a bad mood and didn’t have the will to take care of Guo Guo. Guo Guo hadn’t eaten since they came back that night. He cried loudly, but Gu Jun ignored him. When he got annoyed, he locked Guo Guo in the boy’s room.

His good disposition had disappeared. He didn’t even have the patience to take care of his son.

Gu Jun’s heart hurt as if a dagger had been stabbed into it. He didn’t know what he’d been anticipating before. He and An Xiaoyan were impossible.

He still saved the two pictures on his phone. When he looked at them now, they were still very beautiful. He wanted to delete them, but he couldn’t bring himself to it.

He thought back to the lively An Xiaoyan he’d first met, then the wan and sallow An Xiaoyan, the An Xiaoyan who’d given up, the An Xiaoyan who seemed more alive… It was like a movie.

…

An Xiaoyan accompanied Liu Cheng to the amusement park. After they bought two tickets and walked in, the first thing they saw was the carousel.

“Let’s ride it,” Liu Cheng suggested.

“Sure.”

“Actually, I bought two tickets in uni and wanted to invite you, but it was summer and you went home before I could tell you. I had to come alone.”

An Xiaoyan didn’t know about any of this. Liu Cheng seemed like a careless guy. He didn’t think that Liu Cheng would be so thoughtful.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You’re here with me now, aren’t you?”

The two sat beside each other on the carousel. They spun and spun. If only time could pause on this moment.

But music always came to a stop.

The Ferris wheel in the distance was eye-catching. Holding An Xiaoyan’s hand, Liu Cheng exclaimed, “That’s the Oriental Eye up front!”

An Xiaoyan didn’t tell Liu Cheng that he’d already been here. It wasn’t necessary.

“Let’s go ride the Ferris wheel.”

Like a regular couple, the two sat onto the Ferris wheel. The wall still had the same words painted on it. Whenever the Ferris wheel makes a turn, the world will have another kissing couple. It’s said that those who look up at the Ferris wheel are looking up at happiness.

It was the afternoon so there weren’t fireworks, but they weren’t lacking in romance.

“Let’s make a wish at the highest spot,” Liu Cheng said earnestly to An Xiaoyan.

“Okay. I’ll remember that.”

The Ferris wheel climbed slowly. When it was almost at the top, Liu Cheng called, “Yan Zi.” The moment An Xiaoyan turned his head, something soft covered his lips. When he saw Liu Cheng’s face, he was completely shocked.

It was just a simple kiss, but by the time An Xiaoyan processed everything, Liu Cheng had already let go.

An Xiaoyan turned around. He touched his lips lightly. They were soft.

“That’s my wish. I accomplished it now.”

The kiss was just a kiss. There wasn’t any lust mixed in and An Xiaoyan didn’t say anything. The round quickly ended and the two walked out from the gate.

It was worth it to accomplish this goal in the last moments of his life. “Yan Zi, I’m happy today. Thank you.”

“I’m happy too. How are you holding up? How about we go back?”

“No need. Remember the wonton noodles in the old campus neighborhood? Let’s eat there tonight.”

An Xiaoyan hadn’t eaten it in a long time. He hadn’t had the chance.

The two took a taxi to A University’s old campus. Thankfully, the wonton noodle shop hadn’t moved. However, they forgot that it was the holiday and no one was there. They smiled awkwardly at each other.

“Let’s buy some noodles. I’ll cook for you.”

“Okay. You cook the noodles. I’ll wash the vegetables,” Liu Cheng said happily.

When night fell, they returned to Liu Cheng’s apartment. An Xiaoyan turned on the stove and put the wontons and noodles into the pot to boil. When the wontons were almost done, Liu Cheng put the washed vegetables in. Two bowls of wonton noodles soon appeared on the table.

They started eating by themselves. Halfway through, Liu Cheng suddenly acted like a kid and wanted An Xiaoyan to feed him.

An Xiaoyan didn’t refuse him. He twirled a few noodles around his chopsticks. Just as he was about to feed Liu Cheng, the door was kicked open.

His hand stopped in mid-air. The two stared at the furious Gu Jun in the doorway.

“An Xiaoyan, you’re living well with your lover, huh!”

An Xiaoyan froze. “Mr. Gu…” he replied weakly. Then he fed Liu Cheng the noodles.

This seemed to set off the bomb. Gu Jun exploded. Why would An Xiaoyan abandon him for this man? Why were they living a couple life here?

“Tell me, what’s your relationship with him!”

An Xiaoyan didn’t think Gu Jun would find them so quickly. Wasn’t he coming back tomorrow?

He was lifted up by the collar and pressed against the wall. “Tell me, what’s your relationship with him!” Gu Jun was like a crazy lion that wanted to see through his prey.

“He’s my boyfriend.”

He’d promised Liu Cheng. It was only today. He couldn’t break his promise.

It was like a bolt in the blue for Gu Jun. He was ripped apart and his heart was bleeding. He never thought he’d hear those words from An Xiaoyan.

Gu Jun was like the third party that had forced himself into this relationship.

“Gu Jun, didn’t you forgive him already? Why are you here again? We don’t welcome you.”

Gu Jun let go of An Xiaoyan and stared at Liu Cheng. He was the one who An Xiaoyan had fed. An Xiaoyan had fed him with his own hands.

His palm descended from the sky but didn’t land on Liu Cheng’s face. There was a sharp crack and An Xiaoyan’s face burned. The slap was very powerful.

“I see. You’re protecting him so much. Why are you protecting him? What’s so good about him?”

Liu Cheng hurriedly checked An Xiaoyan’s face. He went to the freezer to get some ice for him. This scene was very ironic. Gu Jun felt his right hand burning in pain.

“Tell me. Did you escape because of him? Did you plot for a long time for a chance to escape? Was the Oriental Eye all fake?!”

An Xiaoyan clutched his face. “Mr. Gu, this has nothing to do with Liu Cheng,” he forced out. “I ran out on my own.”

“Gu Jun, he’s already paid enough. What more do you want from him?” Liu Cheng didn’t fear Gu Jun anymore. He didn’t have much time left anyway.

“Pay! Can you pay it all?” With that, Gu Jun dragged An Xiaoyan out.

“Mr. Gu, can I say something?”

“You want to speak to your lover? What right do you have?”

An Xiaoyan looked back at Liu Cheng. He bit the hand grabbing him and ran back while Gu Jun was in pain.

“Liu Cheng, take care of yourself. Take medicine when you’re sick.”

Finally, he went to hug Liu Cheng. Just as he touched Liu Cheng’s body, Gu Jun grabbed him from the back.

He pulled An Xiaoyan down the stairs and stuffed him into the car. Liu Cheng was left shocked in the room.

Once inside the car, Gu Jun stuffed the man into the backseat, put down the back, and started ripping off An Xiaoyan’s clothes.

An Xiaoyan didn’t protest. He knew Gu Jun was angry.

In the lapse between kisses, An Xiaoyan panted out, “Mr. Gu, I didn’t escape. Liu Cheng’s sick. I came to see him… I really planned on going back tomorrow…”

Gu Jun couldn’t hear anything. His mind kept replaying, I’m his boyfriend.

Then what am I? An Xiaoyan, do you want me to dig my heart out for you? How can you be so cruel?!

It was wilder than any other time. When Gu Jun finally rested against An Xiaoyan, he’d already fainted and his lower body was ravaged.

After driving to the mansion, the door opened and the cold air woke An Xiaoyan up.

“Get out!”

An Xiaoyan pulled up his pants. As soon as his feet touched the ground, he fell over.

Gu Jun pretended not to see. He dragged An Xiaoyan toward the mansion. Cold air snaked into his unbuttoned coat. His entire body was numb.

He was tossed onto the bed with a thump. An Xiaoyan’s elbow hit the side of the bed. He clenched his jaw against the pain.

“An Xiaoyan, I won’t let you escape again. In the future, you’ll stay here obediently!”

Gu Jun reached over and stripped An Xiaoyan. He scraped his finger against the smooth skin. He’d thought that if he treated An Xiaoyan genuinely, An Xiaoyan would understand his feelings one day.

When he thought about An Xiaoyan with another man, his heart practically bled. An Xiaoyan, you’re crueler than anyone else. You cause emotional pain. It hurts more than getting sliced by a knife.

When he entered, he didn’t use lube and An Xiaoyan let out a muffled grunt.

“Does it hurt? If it does, tell me.”

An Xiaoyan bit his lips and didn’t make a sound.

An Xiaoyan, if you’re hurt, I won’t be hurt… Gu Jun thrusted powerfully and entered completely.

An Xiaoyan didn’t know when he fainted. When he woke up, his body was covered in bruises. Guo Guo was sprawled by the door, watching him.

“Uncle, I’m hungry.”

An Xiaoyan covered his body, not wanting Guo Guo to see this. “Where’s Daddy?” he rasped out.

“Don’t know. Guo Guo’s hungry. Guo Guo hasn’t eaten all day…” He burst into tears as he spoke, tears streaming down his face.

“Guo Guo, don’t cry. Go play with toys downstairs. Uncle will put on clothes and then make food, okay?”

Hearing that he could eat soon, Guo Guo obediently went downstairs to play and wait for An Xiaoyan.

An Xiaoyan pushed himself up. Every step was like thousands of needles stabbing his nerves. It hurt really badly.

He made a simple bowl of egg noodles with much difficulty. Just as he was about to hand it to Guo Guo, Gu Jun burst through the door. He walked over and knocked the hot bowl of noodles to the floor.