Reluctantly Willing

“Yan Zi, if I say that I like you now, will you be with me?”

The sudden confession left An Xiaoyan in disbelief. He always thought Liu Cheng only liked women.

Liu Cheng did not know why he said it so frankly. He simply followed his heart. If he did not say it out now, there might be no more chance for him to do so. To him, even a few months of being a couple with An Xiaoyan would be enough for him.

“Liu Cheng, do not joke about such things. Didn’t you just say that you regarded me as your best friend?”

“Now that society is so open, it is not uncommon for men to be together. Since the law has not yet stipulated against it, no one will judge us. Now, I really want to be with you.”

An Xiaoyan’s heart throbbed in his chest as if it would pop out in the next second.

It would be a lie if he said was not moved. He had been friends with Liu Cheng from 17 years old to 26 years old, and these nine years of accumulated friendship could be said to be as thick as a city wall.

“We are not suitable for each other.”

Liu Cheng expected to hear this, as he knew that An Xiaoyan would not agree to it.

“Then, tomorrow, will you be my boyfriend for just a day?”

With a begging tone, An Xiaoyan was a little moved. Since it was just for a day, there was nothing wrong with that idea. After a day, they could be good friends once again.

“Only for one day.”

Having been promised, Liu Cheng embraced An Xiaoyan from behind.

Although short-lived, even if the moment of beauty would quickly wither, it was all worth it.

As he heard the breathing sound next to him, An Xiaoyan opened his eyes in the dark and felt that he should not have been so impulsive.

He still needed to repay his debts to Gu Jun and take care of Guo Guo. Why did he promise Liu Cheng so hastily?

But he knew in his heart that every word from Liu Cheng had touched him. In the deepest place in his heart, he longed to love and be loved, instead of just paying back Gu Jun and being lonely again.

When he awoke in the morning, Liu Cheng was still embracing him, just like an ordinary couple would do.

“Good morning.”

An Xiaoyan responded after a few seconds later and said, “Good morning.”

It was two simple words, but as soon as An Xiaoyan said it, Liu Cheng’s face lit up with a smile.

“What are we going to do today? Are we going on a date?”

Remembering last night’s agreement, An Xiaoyan nodded, “You can decide what you want to do.”

He looked exactly like a thoughtful boyfriend. The depressed feeling in Liu Cheng’s heart was quickly swept away. “Let’s take the Ferris Wheel.”

These words evoked An Xiaoyan’s memories between him and Gu Jun. He recalled the scene of the three of them in The Oriental Eye last Christmas.

“Are you sure your body can manage? You just had a fever last night. What if you go out and fall sick again?”

“That is alright. I will just wear thicker clothes. Besides, you are around. You will be there to take care of me, so what’s there to be afraid of?”

They packed up some items to bring out with them. An Xiaoyan wrapped Liu Cheng up like a ball before he would let Liu Cheng step out. At the moment of their departure, Liu Cheng involuntarily took An Xiaoyan’s hand.

Feeling something in his hand, An Xiaoyan did not refuse. Looking back at Liu Cheng he clasped his hand voluntarily.

…

On the second day of the New Year’s celebrations, Gu Jun had eaten his breakfast and thought about finding an excuse to go back to the villa. He was looking forward to going back with the thought that someone was waiting for him at home.

Guo Guo became familiar with the old house, and ran up and down like a happy rabbit.

“Guo Guo, do you want to go home to see Uncle An?”

“Yes, Daddy, you said that we are going home today.”

“What a good son of mine.” Sometimes this son could really help him out.

Old Mr. Gu looked at his son who had packed his luggage to go, he was feeling unhappy. But he could not help it as his grandson wanted to go home. As children tend to feel uncomfortable at unfamiliar places, he had no choice but to let them go.

Before leaving, Guo Guo told his grandfather that he would return to visit him again, and this made his grandfather very happy. In fact, this time, his grandfather was very satisfied with Guo Guo. If Miss Xiu could get engaged with Gu Jun, old Mr. Gu would really be very satisfied.

“Be careful on your way home. If you have time during the weekends, do come back with Guo Guo. It is not like you do not have a family.”

These words were unimportant to Gu Jun and he did not take them to heart.

Driving through the street on the second day of the lunar New Year, there was a traffic jam as it was a good day to visit relatives and friends. The traffic jam was severe.

“Daddy, daddy, flower, flower…”

Guo Guo pointed out of the window and shouted out. Gu Jun turned around and saw the flower shop he visited the last time.

Last time, he bought kapok and An Xiaoyan was not at home. Fortunately, An Xiaoyan came back at last. Otherwise, he would really go mad.

Like being addicted to drugs, once you are hooked, you can’t give it up even if you try hard to conceal your addiction on the surface.

“Shall we go and buy flowers for Uncle An?”

“Yes!” Guo Guo shouted happily, waving his small hand.

Gu Jun took advantage of the flow of the traffic, crossed the lanes, parked the car at the roadside, and walked into the flower shop with Guo Guo in his arms.

It was still the same sales girl who sold him the flowers the last time.

“Sir, you look familiar. It is not the first time you have been here.” For deserted places like theirs, they needed a strong memory in order to attract more customers.

“Yes, I bought flowers from this shop the last time.”

“This must be your son, he looks so cute. What do you want to buy this time?”

“Just the kapok that I bought the last time, do you still have it now?” Gu Jun chose kapok again for a reason. Kapok was given to his favorite person for the first time but was not successfully gifted, so he wished to give it a try again this time.

It could be considered compensation.

It could also be considered a fresh start.

“Of course, but you should not gift the same thing the second time.”

“That is alright. Please wrap it up.”

The florist did not say anything else. She turned into the shop and began to wrap the flowers. Guo Guo was surprised to see so many beautiful flowers. He walked into the shop with small steps and finally stopped in front of a sunflower.

“Daddy…”

“Guo Guo, you want this flower?”

“Yes, give this to Uncle An.”

Gu Jun’s gentleness was thoroughly triggered by Guo Guo’s thoughtfulness. “Pick one yourself and we will give our flowers to Uncle An together.”

When Guo Guo heard that, he picked a sunflower with a serious look.

Gu Jun never thought that he could be so gentle. In the past, he was always hot-tempered. Now that he had someone he liked and his child was becoming normal, he felt that everything was good.

It would be even better if An Xiaoyan could sense his thoughts and accept him.

However, regarding this matter, he could not rush it.

“It is ready, sir, your two bunches of flowers.” The young lady handed the kapok flowers to Gu Jun and the sunflower to Guo Guo. Guo Guo was hugging the flower in his arms.

“Sir, take care.”

Back in the car, the traffic had eased a lot. Guo Guo sat in the back seat and his small face was almost as big as the sunflower. With his head bowed, his whole face was covered by the sunflower.

When they returned to the villa, Gu Jun was full of anxiety. He anticipated that An Xiaoyan would be very surprised to see them return home so early and would be happy to receive the flowers. In his heart, he regretted having to leave An Xiaoyan all alone at home.

Opening the door, there was no light inside and the toys on the ground were packed neatly.

“Quick, go upstairs to find Uncle An and give him the flowers.”

Guo Guo obediently climbed the stairs with the flowers in his arms and went straight to An Xiaoyan’s room. When he saw that An Xiaoyan was not in the room, he went into Gu Jun’s bedroom. There was still no one there. Finally, he went back to his own bedroom.

Why is Uncle An not at home?

“Daddy, Uncle An is not at home.”

Gu Jun firmly believed that An Xiaoyan would not leave as An Xiaoyan had promised him. The only place which Guo Guo could not access was the study. To think that An Xiaoyan must be sitting in the study, reading a book, Gu Jun’s mood improved.

“Daddy will go and find him. You stay here, don’t go.”

Holding the kapok in his hand, Gu Jun verified his fingerprint and opened the door of the study, then scanned through each of row of bookshelves.

When he came to the medical books, his heart was thumping so hard as if it was in his throat, and it felt as if he was going to make a confession.

But the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment.

Gu Jun checked the whole study thoroughly and did not find An Xiaoyan.

He told himself that perhaps An Xiaoyan was somewhere else as he believed that since An Xiaoyan had made a promise to him, he would certainly not leave.

But after he searched the whole villa, he still did not find An Xiaoyan.

Guo Guo pulled Gu Jun’s clothes. Is Uncle An playing hide-and-seek? Why is he missing?

Gu Jun held the kapok tightly in his hand and stood in a daze. At first, he felt at a loss and sad. Then, his emotions morphed into anger. An Xiaoyan, you made a promise!

Turning on his mobile phone, Gu Jun dialed the number of An Xiaoyan, but it showed that it was not in the service area. Gu Jun changed the number and continued to call.

“Find the whereabouts of An Xiaoyan at the fastest speed. I want to see him in person if he is alive, and I want to see his body even if he is dead!”

Chen Chen was so stunned to hear the news. An Xiaoyan is missing!

He knew that the way Gu Jun treated An Xiaoyan was not the same as before. Hearing the anxiety and anger in Gu Jun’s voice over the phone, he knew that this was not a simple matter.

The kapok flowers after being tossed and turned, were less bright than before, and the sunflower in Guo Guo’s hand almost had its stem broken.

The bright orange color of the kapok flowers made it look like they were mocking him.

Gu Jun knelt on the ground and his heart felt empty. An Xiaoyan would not like him. He just wanted to pay off what he owed him. The day when he finally paid off all his debts, he would leave. At that time, they would have nothing to do with each other.

Gu Jun, what are you longing for? Between you and An Xiaoyan, what kind of love is there?

Guo Guo stood beside him, looking at the wilting flowers, tugging Gu Jun and saying, “Daddy, the flowers are going to wither, let’s give them some water!”

Gu Jun did not reply. Guo Guo ran to the table and raised his leg to reach for the cup on the table.

But the cup was too close to the inside of the table. He could not reach it. As he stood on his tiptoes, he managed to touch the cup. But his hands shook and the cup rolled down the table.

With a bang, the glass broke into pieces.

“Daddy…”

Gu Jun looked at the flowers in his hands and Guo Guo’s grieving face. His anger surged as he threw the flowers into the garbage can. He ignored Guo Guo’s fear and went straight upstairs to his study. Faced with a shelf of medical books, Gu Jun felt his kindness was completely disregarded.

Gu Jun kicked hard on the bookshelf till the whole bookshelf fell to the ground. He still felt just as angry even after all the books fell from the shelf and were scattered all over the floor.

An Xiaoyan, when I get you back, I will lock you up, so you can’t run away again!