Bye-Bye

I slowly opened my eyes to the gentle hand brushing my hair.

Choi Sung-hoon was sitting with his back against the bright lights. He gave me a harsh look when our eyes met.

“Isn’t there a misunderstanding we need to clear up? You can’t wait for that and fall asleep?”

“It seems I have dozed off for a while… “

“It is now past one o’clock in the afternoon.”

Choi Sung-hoon expressed his dissatisfaction.

No… If a person was too relieved, he might fall asleep… About twelve hours…

Choi Sung-hoon gently wrapped his hands around my cheeks as I pouted my lips in embarrassment.

“It’s just a joke. I would have been more worried if you couldn’t sleep. Let’s eat first.”

Before we started talking, Choi Sung-hoon filled my stomach first. After we had a full meal, he folded his arms as if to begin. And twisting his cast feet.

“So, it’s all a misunderstanding?”

Weren’t you the only one who misunderstood?

I crossed my legs as if I wasn’t going to lose. While exposing the bruise marks on the wrists made by Choi Sung-hoon.

Choi Sung-hoon raised one of his eyebrows at me. I pretended I didn’t know and spoke up.

“I don’t know where the misunderstanding came from, but it wasn’t saying goodbye to Choi Sung-hoon ssi, it was just saying goodbye to my various pasts. You would not have been misunderstood if you had thought of me normally.”

“You mean you said goodbye to your past, not to me.”

“Yes. Have you returned home? I left something for Choi Sung-hoon ssi to see there. You’re going to believe that I didn’t manipulate it because I’ve been with you since then, right?”

“Why were you taking your shoes off?”

“I dropped it in the river. In the sense of saying goodbye.”

“Why did you leave your phone behind?”

“Why can’t you trust people? I didn’t want to die. Do you think I’m a crazy person who is obsessed to die?”

“It’s hard to believe because you have a record.”

“Well. I can’t open my heart and show you, so what should I do?”

“You really want to live?”

“Yes, I want to live now. I want to live my life to the fullest. I’m going crazy.”

It was an incredible situation in which I had to explain that I really wanted to live.

I never imagined that there would be a situation where I had to appeal to my desire to live. As I said that I wanted to continue living in frustration, I suddenly felt a sense of déjà vu. Looks like something similar happened before…

… Ah…

That’s right. I couldn’t believe I tried to commit suicide last year, so that was why he kept asking. I burst out laughing when I remembered that time.

“…Why are you laughing?”

When I suddenly laughed out loud, Choi Sung-hoon asked. Choi Sung-hoon’s face was showing much more emotion than then. Not long ago, he was someone who didn’t even understand the feeling of wanting to die, but now he…

He was worried I’d die… So he stomps on the gas pedal as hard as he can and rushes with his legs.

Risking his own life.

“Choi Sung-hoon ssi.”

I put my hand on the back of his big hand.

“Come to that bridge with me. I have something to tell you.”

* * *

It was a warm spring day as if it had never rained. Even though I wanted to be depressed, a warm spring breeze gently swept through my hair.

Only traces of tire slip and white paint remained on the road after the crushed guardrail was replaced. It would disappear in a matter of days…

It was a close call accident, but many cars continued on their way as if nothing had happened.

Choi Sung-hoon had sprained his ankle, so we walked slowly.

“It is said that because there were so many accidents at Mapo Bridge, the railing was repaired to be stronger.”

“I see.”

Choi Sung-hoon grabbed my hand gently.

“This wasn’t always a double guardrail. It was only about knee-high, and the screw was missing due to its age.”

“…”

“Because of a family car crash 11 years ago, they installed a double guardrail on the sidewalk side.”

We walked slowly until we arrived at the location.

Choi Sung-hoon stopped when I did. He held my hand tightly.

“It was a moment.”

I spoke up slowly.

The sight of that day… I remembered how it was even when I closed my eyes.

The night when the rain was pouring. I was drooling and dozing off as I returned from eating out with my family.

It was a moment when I could hear my father’s voice and my mother’s sharp scream. The car slammed into the river. In the dark, where I couldn’t see anything, my parents and older brother called out my name.

“When the car was submerged in the black river and I couldn’t do anything but hang on to my older brother, he broke the rear glass. And he pushed me out first.”

“…”

“My brother pushed me away with all his might, desperately enough to bruise my back… After some time had passed, I got out. Maybe he was late to get out because he was trying to save our parents.”

The car drowned endlessly, and my parents left the world. My older brother barely escaped and did not regain consciousness until the very end.

So I survived alone.

The feeling of the hand pushing my back was still fresh in my mind.

“My parents and older brother were cremated and placed in an ossuary, but I keep thinking they’re still in that river. It’s strange.”

“It’s not strange.”

Choi Sung-hoon denied it right away. He was looking in the same direction as I was.

“I have to greet them. Your older brother and parents who saved you.”

Choi Sung-hoon’s profile, looking at the Han River seriously, was very human and revealed the most vivid emotions in the world.

It was the first time I wasn’t crying when I talked about my family.

To the point where it was not scary even though I was on the Han River bridge… It was cozy and light.

“Last year, I said that Sung-hyun saved me to cover up the accident he caused while driving without a license, but he really saved me.”

“When we first met-.”

As I talked about my past, Choi Sung-hoon looked at me. The warm gaze that seemed to affirm anything I said made me courageous.

“I was about to jump that day, but I saw a high school student getting out of a car that had hit the guardrail while swearing… When I saw the accident that killed my parents and saved your brother, I went insane. I attempted suicide…”

Choi Sung-hoon listened to me seriously.

“I see.”

“Do you know what I’m saying?”

“Yes, I think I know. And the guardrail saved my life yesterday.”

“Yes, that’s right.”

That was what I wanted to say.

I felt complicated. It was complicated and overwhelming. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. A relationship formed as a result of death was…

“I’m so glad that I met Choi Sung-hoon ssi.”

“…”

His expression changed as a result of what I said. The expression, which appeared to shed tears quickly and resembled a smile, clearly revealed the feeling of being overwhelmed.

“I’m glad I had the opportunity to meet you.”

My heart was filled with joy when I heard his response.

Choi Sung-hoon came up to me and hugged me. His embrace was comfortable and warm.

I was glad I fell in love with Choi Sung-hoon.

I really have the opportunity to love… That was a relief.

This feeling, which I would never have felt if I hadn’t chosen my life that day, was so beautiful that I decided I wanted to remember it in the future.

When a person was unexpectedly surprised, they become flustered and withdrawn. If you hear a loud noise, something falls right in front of you, or something unexpected happens, you would freeze in place.

My family suddenly left at once, and I spent the next 11 years in a dazed and withdrawn state.

I was going to slowly stretch my shoulders. And I would live.

Along with Choi Sung-hoon. With this beautiful feeling.

Saying goodbye to everything and moving on to a new life.