Bye-Bye

It must be cold.

It would be cold.

I knew it all too well because I’ve been through it.

After looking at the black river for a long time, I took a step back.

I slowly took off my shoes and the rain-soaked ground touched my feet.

I also put very small baby shoes next to mine.

Raindrops kept falling on my face.

“…”

I looked down at the two pairs of shoes and the black river that ran beneath them.

That river was cold and dark. To think that the dead would be at peace was only a way for me to justify my pain. Because that river would remain dark indefinitely.

“Dad, Mom, Seo-yeon hyung.”

My voice was so awkward when I called them. It was unfamiliar because it had been so long since I spoke out the words father, mother, and brother’s name.

Now just… I tried to imagine that they would be at ease. I would imagine that they wished for my future to be pleasant and happy.

It took me too long to make this decision.

I took one step forward. I straightened my back and held two pairs of shoes in my hands.

…Goodbye.

First, I dropped my shoes into the cold river. There was no sound because of the rain.

Then, when it was the turn of the baby shoes that were as small as the palm of my hand, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.

All I could do was say goodbye to Kongkongi, who came to me unprepared and left after suffering.

Goodbye.

Small shoes also fell silently and disappeared into the black river.

I put my hand on the railing and looked down for a long time.

Wavy black water… The black river that always came suddenly and bothered me.

It was ridiculously far from here.

And…sometimes it was as close as it was right in front of me.

It was then.

Squeak!

I heard the sound of a car slipping. It was the sound of an engine that was full of urgency.

I turned to the side where the sound came from to see if there had been an accident in the rain. A black car was sliding and speeding.

My heart sank coldly the moment I realized it was similar to Choi Sung-hoon’s car. 

My eyes followed the car with anxiety. The car slid and collided with a guard rail 200 to 300 meters ahead. It was loud enough to sound like an explosion to my ears.

I hurriedly ran barefoot.

The car was the same model as Choi Sung-hoon’s.

The person in Yangju would not be passing through here at this time, but the person in that car must be someone’s family.

As I ran in the rain, my face became increasingly distorted.

It was a familiar license plate.

No… Please no.

My heart was on the verge of stopping.

When I approached, the front part was completely distorted, and smoke rose from the damaged part.

“Please…”

It was darkly tinted and the inside was invisible. While knocking on the driver’s window by calling Choi Sung-hoon’s name, I pulled the handle just in case, and the door opened. Choi Sung-hoon was groaning between the exploding airbag and the seat.

“Hey, get a hold of yourself. Wake up!”

I patted him on the shoulder. I wanted to get him out of the car, but I couldn’t move him carelessly because I was afraid he was injured somewhere.

Choi Sung-hoon couldn’t come to his senses.

I didn’t bring my phone, so I reached into Choi Sung-hoon’s pocket and took out his cell phone. I urgently called for help, and Choi Sung-hoon awoke with a groan. Choi Sung-hoon tightened his grip on my wrist as soon as I met his black eyes met.

“Seo-yu.”

“Choi, Choi Sung-hoon ssi.  Are you all right? Are you awake?”

“…You.”

“Are you crazy… How can you drive so fast on a rainy day? You almost died. I thought you were going to die!”

“…”

Choi Sung-hoon escaped between the airbag and the seat on his own, and he kept holding my wrist. He hugged me as soon as he got out of the car.

Choi Sung-hoon must have been surprised a lot. But he wouldn’t have been as surprised as I was.

The guardrail had crumpled completely. Without the guardrail, the car could have fallen right over into a cold black river.

I rested my head on Choi Sung-hoon’s shoulder and hugged him tightly.

Even I couldn’t tell if the stream of water running down my cheeks was rain or tears.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down.

When I got out of his arms, Choi Sung-hoon looked at me with anxious eyes. He didn’t let go of my wrist. I couldn’t tell him to let go because he was holding me like a lost child.

“You have to look around to see if there’s anything strange or hurtful. You crashed so hard…”

“I think I hurt my ankle.”

“Stay still. An ambulance will be here soon.”

I looked around his body. There was no external bleeding. I felt Choi Sung-hoon’s gaze was chasing mine. When our gazes locked, I noticed that the emotions swirling in his eyes were not those of anxiety, but of anger.

Why… Why were you angry?

I should be the one who was angry right now.

“What’s the reason?”

Choi Sung-hoon, who was staring at me silently, spit out anger in the form of a series of questions.

“Why?”

“What was lacking? Speak so I can fix it.”

“What are you talking about? Explain it so that I can understand!”

“…You said you were going to say goodbye.”

“That’s why I came here to say my final goodbye. What’s wrong with you? Why are you driving so erratically in the rain? Did you go insane and want to die?”

My heart screamed as it beat violently after yet another accident on the bridge. I also wanted to scream out loud. But I was barely holding back my anger and frustration for someone who would have been more embarrassed than I was.

“That’s why you’ve come here.”

Cold rainwater ran down Choi Sung-hoon’s hard forehead. I stood there watching the stream of water run over his scarred cheek.

“By the time I safely stopped the car and ran down, you’d already jump off and be gone. You would not have come if I hadn’t done this.”

“…”

It took me a while to understand what he was saying.

I lost my strength in despair. Choi Sung-hoon said he had a coat in his car and went to get it and told me to sit on it as I sank down on the floor. Nonetheless, he did not let go of my wrist. The wrist in his hand complained of pain.

“What kind of misunderstanding did you have…”

I lowered my head. Choi Sung-hoon breathed violently, “Is it a misunderstanding?”

An ambulance siren could be heard from a distance at that time. Choi Sung-hoon and I remained silent until the rescuers arrived.

* * *

Choi Sung-hoon requested to see Professor Chae, the doctor, so the ambulance diverted from the hospital he was supposed to visit.

I couldn’t trust a traffic accident patient to go to an obstetrician working at an Omega center, but Choi Sung-hoon insisted on Professor Chae, so I couldn’t say no.

After midnight, the doctor rushed to see Choi Sung-hoon and stated that no injuries had occurred. I didn’t like it because it seemed hastily diagnosed because there was no blood on the outside and everything was fine.

I looked at the doctor, who told me that I should stay in the hospital room for a while because I was fine.

“Excuse me, please take a look properly. It was an accident that completely destroyed the front of the car.”

“Really? You’re so strong…”

“You hurt your ankle, right Choi Sung-hoon ssi?”

“Ankle…?”

“Yes, his ankle-.”

“I was hurt.”

Choi Sung-hoon strongly continued my words.

“I hurt my right ankle. It’s hard to move around.”

“Ah… Yes… Ankle, yes… Looking back, it looks like it’s swollen…”

It was said to be throbbing and difficult to move, but the quack doctor’s reaction remained dull. I really don’t like this person. After a cursory examination, he suspected a fracture and ordered an X-ray before diagnosing it with a half cast.

Choi Sung-hoon told me to look check myself before taking an X-ray.  I refused because I was not injured and was fine, but Choi Sung-hoon asked me to roll up my sleeve.

“Oh, my. Did you bump into something big? There’s a big bruise.”

My wrist was swollen with a dark bruise. It was because Choi Sung-hoon held it too tightly. There was a huge handprint, but the doctor pretended not to know.

While Choi Sung-hoon was wearing a cast after an X-ray examination, I showered briefly and entered the hospital room first. Then I lay down on the bed, waiting for Choi Sung-hoon.

I could see what misunderstanding he had.

It was expected that he would drive so fast in shock.

I placed a hand on my chest.

My heart, which was still pounding furiously, accurately expressed my emotions. If Choi Sung-hoon had a serious accident… I wouldn’t have been able to bear it any longer.

I was relieved that it ended with only his ankle injury. I was glad.

Aside from his misunderstanding, I should scold him. So he never ever did that again… Really… Never did that again.