You Are My Only Sunshine

Chapter 1679: The Walking Dead Without Emotions

Xia Yu, I hope this is not the first letter I wrote to you, nor the last. But I am contradictory to let you know the contents, but I am afraid that you will know. Because I'm sorry for you, I shouldn't marry you as my wife. This makes you very painful, and it may make you sad for the rest of your life.

All this is because of my selfishness, which harmed you.

There is a truth, I have never dared to tell you. But if I die, you are the person who has the most power to know the truth.

A few years ago, I performed a mission and almost failed and almost died. In order to make me speak, the enemy used many methods to torture me. Among them, I was injected with a lot of poison, and my whole life was not as good as death. But when I was about to die, I was lucky to be saved. Toxic~ the product tortured me and would still kill me, and at that time, no one could save me.

At that time, the only chance to survive was to inject an illegal drug. As for what it is, I can't tell you. But the consequence was that I became a walking dead without feelings.

I don't know what happiness is, what is happiness, and there is no feeling of love. Without the emotions and desires, I would not be dependent on drugs, and my body would be redeemed.

But from that moment on, my soul died.

Every day I don't know what the meaning of living is. I can only perform tasks continuously and restrain myself with standard justice and morality. Only when performing tasks, I have the illusion that I am alive.

Until one day, I met you.

You said you want to marry me, you like me so much, no matter who it is, you can tell. But everyone can tell that I don't like you.

Actually, it's not that I don't like you, my heart even wants to be sad. Because I don't know what it feels like to like, I can't even respond to a good girl like you.

Naturally, I can't give you happiness, I don't even know what happiness is like.

So I rejected you, and I was indifferent to you. But you did not give up on me, and your feelings for me have not changed in the slightest. Your sincere emotions are simple and pure without mixing anything.

It was the first time that I saw such pure feelings. Maybe in this world, only you would like me so purely, not because of my identity or any reputation.

In front of your pure love, I gradually developed selfish thoughts. I don't have any happiness or feelings anymore, but I want to have them more and more. I longed eagerly, like a pedestrian in the desert lacking water.

I want to selfishly own your love for me, and I look forward to one day when your love can awaken all my emotions. So when I was sure that you would marry me even if I didn't love you, I agreed to marry you.

Xia Yu, you don't know, at that time I regarded you as my life-saving straw. I look forward to my life will change because of you, but in the end, I was wrong.

I was so wrong, the wrong tense.

Because of my temporary selfishness, I married you, but I can't give you the happiness you want. I don't even know how to be a good husband or how to love you and respond to your feelings.

Even I am indifferent to your contribution.

Seeing the sadness always in your eyes, I want to blame myself.

(End of this chapter)

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