Reluctantly Willing

The medicine made An Xiaoyan drowsy and he slept for more than ten hours. When he awoke, he saw someone’s head just beside him.

An Xiaoyan inched away and Gu Jun awoke with a fright. Seeing that An Xiaoyan was awake, he was surprised and then delighted.

“You’re awake. Are you hungry? I will go and buy something for you to eat.”

The overzealous look on Gu Jun made An Xiaoyan sick. With a low and weak voice, An Xiaoyan said, “Get lost!”

“Xiaoyan…”

“Did you hear me? I asked you to get lost!” As the voice became weaker, An Xiaoyan raised his head and a couple streams of tears were flowing down his cheeks.

“Mr. Gu, please let me go. I really can’t live like this. Even if I am hit by a car, it will be better than being tortured here. I really can’t take it anymore.”

Gu Jun held An Xiaoyan’s face and wiped his tears with his hands. “Xiaoyan, don’t do that. I really like you. I have already forgiven you and I have also discarded the IOU between us.”

The words of forgiveness that he heard the moment before he was unconscious echoed in his head, and it turned out to be true. He waited for a long time and these words of forgiveness finally came.

“Mr. Gu, have you really forgiven me?”

“Yes, it is true. You no longer owe me anything.”

“Haha, haha, haha…” An Xiaoyan’s eyes were full of tears, but he laughed. “You have forgiven me, you have forgiven me, you have forgiven me…”

An Xiaoyan was laughing like a mad man. Gu Jun looked at An Xiaoyan’s insane appearance and used the back of his hand to knock him unconscious.

He understood the reason why An Xiaoyan cried and laughed. An Xiaoyan must have never thought that one day he could be forgiven by Gu Jun as he was ready to spend his entire life paying him back.

An Xiaoyan really lost it.

When An Xiaoyan woke up again, he returned to his usual calm self. He sat on the bed and looked out the window.

In mid-April, the leaves outside had already filled out the branches, and the roses were leaning against the windowsill. There were red and green roses. They looked really beautiful.

Gu Jun dared not go into the ward again. He asked Chen Chen to go in and talk to An Xiaoyan instead.

“What Mr. Gu said is true. Now you owe him nothing, and Mr. Gu really likes you.”

An Xiaoyan seemed to have resigned himself to the facts, and said gently, “I owed him a lot before, so I was willing to take care of Guo Guo and other things around him, but I was reluctantly willing. Now that Mr. Gu has said that he has forgiven me, I can leave the villa after I am discharged from the hospital. He has his own life to lead. He will marry a wife and have a happy family.”

“Mr. Gu really likes you. I’ve been working for him for so many years and have never seen him so serious about someone.”

“Don’t go on. When I can leave the hospital, I will leave this place and live the life I want.”

The day when an imprisoned canary can leave its cage, it will not hesitate to spread its wings and soar. Even if it was given the finest food and material wealth, the bird would always desire freedom.

Chen Chen told Gu Jun what An Xiaoyan had said. Gu Jun took a puffed a cigarette and the smoke ring disappeared in the air. Gu Jun said, “I cannot use force anymore. You help me come up with an idea.”

“How about you try to win him back?”

“I will not restrict his freedom anymore. Even if I lock him up in the villa, he will not fall in love with me.”

Chen Chen agreed that Gu Jun had tormented the man for so long that it was unrealistic to expect An Xiaoyan to develop feelings for Gu Jun right away, so letting go first was a good option.

“I will not go to the ward to see him, as that would just make him sad. You help him attend to his needs.”

“Mr. Gu, you really do love him.”

“Really? You think so?”

Gu Jun turned around and looked out at the scenery in the city. He hurt An Xiaoyan so much. What kind of love was that?

Guo Guo waited at home for a long time but Uncle An did not come home. He took the initiative to look for Uncle An and the nanny had no choice but to call Mr. Gu.

“Bring Guo Guo to the hospital.”

An Xiaoyan liked Guo Guo so much. If Guo Guo begs him to stay, he will not ignore Guo Guo. He dropped that idea almost immediately.

If An Xiaoyan knew that he had made use of Guo Guo to make him stay, his image in An Xiaoyan’s heart would appear evil again.

“Daddy, where is Uncle An?”

“Uncle An is sick. He is sleeping now. Do not disturb him, Guo Guo.”

“Then, Guo Guo shall wait for Uncle An here.” Guo Guo sat on the chair obediently and looked at the ward from time to time for fear of missing anything.

After sitting for a while, Guo Guo could not stay idle any longer and lay flat on the floor outside the ward to continue looking inside the ward. Coincidentally, their eyes met.

“Uncle…”

An Xiaoyan waved to Guo Guo and signaled Guo Guo to come in.

Guo Guo opened the door, happily climbed onto the bed, and got into An Xiaoyan’s arms.

“Daddy said that you’re sleeping and told me not to bother you. Why are you not at home these days, Uncle? There are a lot of flowers in Daddy’s room. The flowers smell so good. I snuck in on my own and no one knows about it.” After that, Guo Guo took out a flower petal as small as a teardrop from his pocket. It was a dried rose petal. “This is what I smuggled out from daddy’s room. Isn’t it beautiful?”

An Xiaoyan would not hold the petal. He just wanted to escape from this place. These five years were the most painful years his life. How many years do you have in your life? You can never turn back time.

“Uncle, get well soon. Let us go home together.”

“Guo Guo, Uncle will not be going back to your house. Your daddy will get married and someone will take care of you. Even if this does not happen, the nanny will take care of you.”

Guo Guo did not understand what it meant. After playing for a while, he felt tired and dozed off on the bed beside An Xiaoyan’s.

Gu Jun hadn’t appeared for an entire month, and An Xiaoyan was leading a peaceful life while recovering in the hospital.

All the medicines used were the best and the bandage on his leg was finally removed. After An Xiaoyan was allowed to walk on his own, he was ready to leave.

The moment his right foot touched the ground, he felt something was wrong.

After taking two steps carefully, he felt that his footsteps were shaky.

One leg was long and the other leg was short. He walked like a duck, swaying from side to side.

Am I disabled?

An Xiaoyan soon accepted the fact. It was not bad after all. At least he didn’t hurt his head and there was no discomfort in other parts of his body.

People usually die in a car accident while he only became crippled. In a way, he was worse off than some, better off than many.

The discharge formalities were handled by Chen Chen. Gu Jun hid from An Xiaoyan for the whole month as he was afraid that An Xiaoyan would berate him if they met. He was even more afraid of hearing An Xiaoyan say that he would not want to see him for the rest of his life.

“Mr. An has been discharged from hospital. Would you like to see him?”

Gu Jun shook his head resolutely.

“After he leaves, do you want someone to watch him?”

“I don’t know.” He wanted to approach An Xiaoyan, but An Xiaoyan did not want to see him.

An Xiaoyan’s thin body limped out of the hospital and Gu Jun looked at him from afar with mixed feelings in his heart. If I don’t say it today, I do not know when I will get another chance.

Before Chen Chen could respond, he heard a bang and Gu Jun threw on a windbreaker and walked toward An Xiaoyan.

An Xiaoyan stopped and looked at the person in front of him.

“You regretted forgiving me, don’t you?”

Gu Jun shook his head. “I really like you. Do not treat me like this. I do not mind you treating me like just an ordinary person. We were fine before this.”

An Xiaoyan sneered. “Before that, it was because I owed you Gu Jun. I owe you so much. What can I pay you back with? I can only try to please you so that you do not hate me so much!”

“Why did you push me away when the car drove towards me? You should have just let it hit me head-on.” If I was hit by the car at that time, would your heart ache for me?

“Mr. Gu, I do not know.” It was out of instinct that he pushed Gu Jun aside with all his strength, and he did not know why either.

Warm sunshine bathed An Xiaoyan and he had never felt so warm and comfortable before. His shackles were broken, and he no longer had to live with those burdens.

“If you miss me one day, come to the villa to see me.”

“Do not ask anyone to watch me.”

Gu Jun did not think that An Xiaoyan’s disdain was so deep. Gu Jun did not intend to have anyone watch him. He only hoped to look at An Xiaoyan from afar.

As he was just discharged from the hospital, his body had not fully recovered. Walking for just a while would quickly tire him. He had no money with him as all his things were at the villa.

From now on, he was a normal person and could lead a normal life again.

Gu Jun drove his car closely behind An Xiaoyan. He noticed An Xiaoyan was walking in the direction of the villa, thus he parked his car beside the road.

“Get in, I will drive you back.”

An Xiaoyan was not moved.

“It will take you forever if you choose to go on like this.”

An Xiaoyan wrapped himself tightly with his clothes and sat in the car, glancing out the window.

“Do you want to work for my company? Or have Zhang Zilan find you a job?” Gu Jun was still trying hard, hoping that he could reverse the situation.

“No, thank you. I will take my things and leave.”

Having forgiven An Xiaoyan, there was no chance to retain him anymore. Now An Xiaoyan was a free man.

“So what are you going to do in the future?”

“I will think about it.”

“At least tell me where you intend to go…”

An Xiaoyan did not answer. He had no obligation to reply to that question. It was time to let go.

Back in the villa, An Xiaoyan went to his room and packed his few clothes in a big bag, as well as his old broken mobile phone.

When he came downstairs, Gu Jun stood at the foot of the staircase with Wonton in his arms.

“Take the cat with you.”

Gu Jun knew that An Xiaoyan would not take anything that was not his. He only wished that when An Xiaoyan saw Wonton, he would think of him.

“No, this is Mr. Gu’s cat.”

“He likes you. Next time, find a partner to accompany you.” When I am not around you, you will not be lonely with a cat.

“Meow…” Wonton begged with its longing eyes and Gu Jun took the opportunity to put the cat in An Xiaoyan’s arms.

“Xiaoyan, I have really fallen for you and my love for you will never change.”

The last bit of love I am giving you is to let you go. This was something that Gu Jun had been telling himself lately. He had ways to keep An Xiaoyan by his side. But what was the point? An Xiaoyan’s heart would never be his.

An Xiaoyan walked out, he gradually grew smaller in the distance, and finally disappeared from sight.

When An Xiaoyan’s shadow disappeared, Gu Jun burst into tears.

He wondered what he was trying to achieve with all that he had done. He had hurt An Xiaoyan so deeply yet loved An Xiaoyan so much. However, finally, he had to watch An Xiaoyan leave his side.

Guo Guo came down the other side of the stairs and saw his father kneeling on the floor and crying.

“Daddy, what is wrong? Don’t cry, don’t cry.”

“Guo Guo, Daddy’s heart really hurts.”

“It won’t hurt anymore after Guo Guo blows on your heart for you.” After saying that, Guo Guo stood on tiptoe and blew at Gu Jun’s heart.

“Why hasn’t Uncle An come back yet?”

“Uncle An will never come back.”