Nobunaga Oda's Isekai Cultivation Experience

Opening his eyes, Nobu found himself staring up at a now-familiar ceiling. Based on the amount of light shining in through the window, he assumed he had been out for the entire night. Since he was currently alone, he used that as an opportunity to pick up the stone tablet with his left hand, finally able to make use of it like a normal person.

"What the fuck...?"

Seeing that his stockpiled clicks were nearing 300,000, Nobu wished he had a calculator function in order to help him figure out just how long he had been asleep. Unfortunately, he didn't even know how to navigate back to the home screen, so, for the time being, he focused on tapping the screen as quickly as he could.

Back on Earth, he had been able to manage upwards of fourteen clicks per second. Since the world record was only sixteen clicks, this demonstrated just how 'seriously' he took his admittedly unusual hobby.

"Damn...if I only I wasn't right-handed..."

Though he typically made use of a southpaw fighting style, the only reason for this was because it was more useful when fighting against the majority of opponents. Most people were right-handed, so, by focusing on the more unorthodox style, he managed to secure himself an advantage against most bullies and thugs.

Fortunately, as his wrist would sometimes ache after long sessions of clicking, Nobu wasn't too unfamiliar with using his left hand. He could still manage around eleven clicks per second, and, as a result, he managed to earn himself two new achievements.

*Achievement Unlocked: Furious Clicker*

*Achievement Unlocked: The Stranger*

Understanding the innuendo contained within the second achievement, a dry laugh emanated from Nobu's remarkably sore throat. It felt like he hadn't had anything to drink in days, and, based on the number of clicks he had stockpiled, that was very likely the case.

Ignoring his body's demands for both water and sustenance, Nobu thumbed the Achievements Tab to see if it contained anything useful. In many Clicker Apps, achievements would stack to provide a number of useful bonuses.

As if it were becoming his catchphrase, Nobu muttered, "What the fuck..." in response to seeing a functionally endless wall of question marks. He understood these were achievements he had yet to unlock. What surprised him was the fact that, even after scrolling for the better part of a minute, he was nowhere near the bottom of the list.

Shaking his head, Nobu gave up trying to reach the bottom and instead scrolled back to the top of the page. The three achievements he had unlocked could be found among the first hundred or so lines of question marks. This indicated they were relatively simple to unlock, but, considering one of them required that he click a single time, even a layman could have figured that out.

"Here's hoping this shitty game doesn't completely fuck me over..."

Having reached the top of the list, Nobu promptly pressed on his 'The First Click' achievement. This caused a small information window to pop up, and, for a brief moment, a smile crept onto his face as he saw the words 'Bonus' beneath the description.

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*The First Click*

Acquisition Requirements: Click a single time. Good for you.

Bonus: 0.0000001% increase to the efficacy of clicks. What? Did you expect something more?

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Reading the lines of text associated with the achievement, the smile on Nobu's face turned into a deep frown. If there were a way to file a complaint, he wouldn't hesitate to give the developers of the App a piece of his mind. After all, while the bonus was somewhat disappointing, the addendum at the end was both unnecessary and infuriating.

Suppressing his desire to curse a certain golden-haired Goddess, Nobu clicked on his other two achievements to confirm they afforded him marginally better but ultimately useless bonuses. If the rest rewarded him with similar boons, he would need to unlock hundreds, if not thousands, of other achievements just to notice their effect on his clicks.

"Well...whatever...at least now I can understand why the list was so long..."

Since it wasn't something he could affect, Nobu decided not to focus on it. Instead, he tried a few simple experiments to see if he could unlock a few additional achievements. This included using his nose and each of his fingers to press the screen as fast as he could.

Though he felt like a complete asshat, Nobu took solace in the fact his actions weren't a complete waste of time. Pressing with his nose had earned him the Woodpecker achievement. Using each of his fingers, in turn, had also unlocked the, 'I Can Count to Five' achievement, so, at the very least, he was now earning an additional 0.0000005% bonus experience per click.

Nobu's only regret was that he had attempted to use his broken hand in order to ascertain whether or not he could acquire an achievement from his injuries. Instead, he just ended up causing himself unnecessary pain while undermining his click efficiency. Thus, at least for the time being, he decided it was for the best he gives up on self-destructive methods of experimentation...

As that thought crossed his mind, a glimmer appeared at the corner of Nobu's eyes as he moved aside the covers to confirm he was still naked. This gave him a rather devious thought, so, after a very brief moment of hesitation, he attempted to ascertain whether or not his little brother could lend his support.

Though it was easily one of the more awkward experiences of his life, a massive grin spread across Nobu's face when he pulled back his phone and discovered he had unlocked, not one, but thirteen separate achievements. While he would have liked to brag this was an achievement for every single inch he had been endowed with, his father's genetics weren't 'that' monstrous. Instead, most of the achievements were called things like, 'Oh How Low You'll Go', 'Love Has No Boundaries', and, 'This Isn't Even My Final Form'.

After his initial frustration regarding the achievement descriptions, Nobu no longer cared whether or not the developers of the App were going to heckle him. The only thing that mattered was that he had confirmed his suspicions, and, so long as he made an 'earnest effort', he should be able to unlock a variety of achievements by performing unique and miscellaneous acts. Unfortunately, it was only in hindsight that it occurred to him to use his tongue...something that would now have to wait until he had conducted an exhaustive cleaning...

---

With Nobu entering a deep slumber that even physicians could not wake him from, Yui decided to occupy herself with ascertaining the truth. If he was truly Nanamori's grandson, she would have no choice but to apologize. This was something her pride wouldn't easily allow, as, like most warriors, the only people she would voluntarily lower her head to were her Lord, her Ancestors, her parents, and her husband.

Nobu was none of these things, so, unless it came down to defending her honor, it was impossible for her to simply lower her head and say sorry. Rather, if it turned out he had been lying to her, she was fully prepared to kill him the next time he awoke.

Unfortunately, after talking with a few local officials and a number of residents living near the edge of the city, every eye-witness account lent credibility to Nobu's claim. It would seem he was actually quite famous within the city, as, against all odds, he managed to survive for months on end without so much as a single grain of rice. His tenacity and perpetually fasting had earned him the nickname Ascetic Idiot, as, not only did he rarely eat, he spent most of his time rocking back and forth whilst holding his hands in prayer...(A/N: More like clutching the tablet for dear life...)

The only thing Yui didn't understand was how Nobu could go from being a dull-witted cripple to an irredeemably uncouth, borderline barbaric, lecher. His personality was nothing like what the rumors made him out to be, almost like he was a completely different person.

Though possession wasn't particularly uncommon, especially if you ventured to the far north, there were a number of tell-tale signs that gave it away. There would be a spiritual imprint somewhere on the body, and, more importantly, the cultivation base of the possessor would be present within the new host. They would also exude a chill from their body, as, more often than not, practitioners who possessed others relied on extremely profane, yin elemental, techniques.

Nobu possessed none of the tell-tale signs of someone who had been possessed. His cultivation, in particular, was closer to that of a newborn child than someone who had lived for tens of thousands of years. While abilities to hide a person's cultivation certainly existed, maintaining such a technique while completely unconscious was next to impossible. Nobu had also failed to liberate himself from her bindings even after several hours, so, unless he was an unbelievable actor, he was likely as weak as he appeared.

Exhaling a sigh, Yui stared at a simple charcoal drawing that had been sketched up by one of the people who had both seen and interacted with Nobu. The sketch wasn't something that would be placed on exhibit, but, even at a glance, she could discern the similarities between the person in the image and the person she had knocked unconscious more than three days prior.

"Grandmother is going to kill me..."

Though her official mission was merely to ascertain what had happened to Nanamori Natsu, the task Yui's Grandmother had assigned centered around locating Nobu and escorting him back to the Clan. Her Grandmother was one of the most influential Elders in the entire Yoshitune Clan, so, while her official duty took precedence, failing to accomplish her additional assignment without a proper justification was grounds for immediate exile. She doubted her Grandmother would follow through on this, but that actually presented a number of issues that Yui would much rather not even think about.

Fortunately, while she had been a bit 'rough' with him, Nobu's life wasn't in any danger. The Doctor she had hired to take a look at him said he should wake up once the swelling in his brain subsided. His lack of fluids and recent blood loss should speed up this process quite a bit, so, as long as she kept feeding him a mouthful of Elixir each morning, he should awaken after a few days. Until then, Yui was determined to do everything in her power to prove he wasn't the man he claimed to be...

---

Unaware of the lament he had caused, Nobu continued to experiment with the stone tablet for a full three hours before realizing that he could, in fact, get up and leave. His arm might be broken, but, unless she had locked it from the outside, there was nothing stopping him from simply getting up and walking out. Even the mechanical owl from before was nowhere to be seen, almost as if he had been abandoned where he lay.

Considering this might actually be the case, Nobu took advantage of the fact there was a change of clothes on the nightstand to awkwardly dress himself. His previous experiences with broken bones made this a little easier, but, due to the condition of his body, moving too quickly caused his joints to protest with a series of cracks and pops. This made walking especially difficult, but, with a desire to free himself from the hell he had found himself in, Nobu pressed forward until he had reached the door.

Inhaling and exhaling a deep breath, Nobu attempted to turn the knob only to find that it wouldn't budge a single inch. This caused his brow to twitch, as, upon further inspection, he noticed a golden light coming from the keyhole.

"This motherfucking yandere..."