My Pick Up Artist System

Half a bean burrito he saved from the day before

Yet, he didnt have time to contemplate the ironic overtonebecause he still had something to do. It was the last item on his agenda of preparing to diewriting his own eulogy

So, sitting at his desk, he wiped off the tangy sour cream from his lips. It wasnt the last thing he wanted to taste and smell, but he couldnt afford to pay extra for guacamole

Then, he took out a piece of paper, feeling its dry texture on his fingers

Then, he took out another piece of paper, because he got sour cream on the first one

And he started to Hemingway

***

After many hours of effort, Ben looked at the paper in his hands and nodded in satisfaction. He didnt need the credit of bringing this beautiful work into existence…Nor did he care if his fame came postmortem. He even didnt mind if someone else took the credit for his Shakespearean work

He cared not about any of those thingsbecause death

Soon, hed be humble and dirt-rich

So those things lacked importance. Ben didnt write it for any of that. There was a much simpler reason he wrote his own eulogy: he feared Antonio screwing it up

The final piece ended up as a story–the tale of Bens life, with a few small adjustments to hook readers, but nothing biographical movies didnt do.

He decided to read it aloud to double-check there were no plot holes or cliches…but he was pretty confident in its freshness…

If there was an issue, he could add some vampires…or make himself a mage instead of warrior…but he didnt want to scare away readers with something too unique…

Ben cleared his throat…

"He was a young hero from the mortal worldfrom the poorest familyof the smallest villageof the smallest townof the smallest cityof the smallest provinceof the smallest countryof the smallest continentof the smallest realmbut every legend has to start from somewhere

…

He had a tough upbringing: one guy called him trash, then another guy called him trash. Before he knew iteveryone was calling him trash in an infinite recycle…

…

He started from nothing

No matter how many times he dreamedthere was no memory from a dead expert

No matter how many times he asked doctorsthey said he possessed no special bloodline

No matter how hard he searched, he couldnt find any OP item left by his parentsand that never changed, no matter how many Christmases he asked for a gaming PC

Even thendespite his household coming from a humble background, it turned out to all be a red herringbecause they had no ancestral ties to any ancient families at all

He trained hard, practicing both internal and external training: internal with PUBG on his PCexternal PUBG on his mobile

Yet, after struggling through a heavenly tribulation of a prep course, he broke through.

Then, with an adventurous heart, he started to journey the world. It forced him to leave his family behind, but he trusted theyd be safe forever due to the powerful local reputation he amassed over a month of faceslapping

If anyone from outside the village ever came and disturbed his legend, putting a finger on his familyhe would destroy them when he returned just in time for the rescue

In the wide lands, he succeeded in raising his position in societyand he did it all by himselfdespite the worst luck in the worldthat forced him to live as a mortician, making him fall into cave after cave of burial sites of old geezers

…

Carrying those geezers ancient burdens they called legacies…he became a brave hero; Despite a 99% chance of death, he never stood down from an optional side-questconquering all in his way with his relentless spirit

He fought the external world; defeating enemies that trained their entire lives, after he did a few months of plyometrics

He fought the internal world; defeating his heart devilsaddictions to gaming and internet p.o.r.n

He was multi-talented; becoming a secret master in every field known to manbut always lost interest soon afterbecause his fiery heart craved adventure and that was old news…

He was resourceful; only occasionally receiving an item that was exactly what he needed for his next major problemand rarely, like only a few times, saved by a random passing master

He was a poet; possessing the unique ability to portray the worlds beauty through his unique lens of jade-based terminology

He was a lady-killer; not in the literal sense, he didnt kill womenno matter what they didever Instead, all his female enemies became lovers, charmed by his damn-good looks and badassery

Yet, he could never fall in love with them, because he knew life was short, and at any moment, some random flying bird might force him to switch maps

…

He was magnanimous; sparing all his male enemies 3 or even 4 times before eliminating themgiving them room to perfect their schemes…and himself room for not having to seek out new enemies

He was a conqueror of fate: Despite living in training montages and gathering all the worlds OPnessall the side characters still mysteriously strengthened as wellnever allowing him to power creep in peace

Yet, he was still the strongest…everywhere…before he went somewhere new and became the weakest…but that never-ever stopped him from becoming the strongest again…forever…

…

He was intelligent; resolving nothing ever, because he knew if he even resolved a single point, that meant it was the end of his story

He was the most powerful: he invented uncountable ultimate and super-ultimate movesbefore creating his final super-ultimate-burrito-supreme technique…

A technique that shocked the worlddeath

In the end, he built a castle millions of miles longstretching to the clouds

Which is where he will be buried

Dont skimp…"

Ben smiled in appreciation. It wasnt easy to create such a masterpieceonly having come together after a long time writing and no time editing

…

Still, something felt off. Although I tried to keep it humbleit still came off a tiny bit OP I better insert a flaw to make myself more balancedGot it. Ill add that I scored low on an IQ test due to a random proctors mistake when I was 5. That led to the tragic years until I was 9when the truth came out that I was a one in ten-thousand years genius

Ill even throw in an enemy thats a one in hundred-thousand-years genius later, to show that I still had room to grow…

Of course, after that, itll come out that I was a one in million-years-geniusbut for now, I need to ease them in

Ben stroked his chin, because he realized something else. He only needed to throw in a few lines of filler to grow this into a full-fledged novel

…

Ben leaned back in his chair. If I published thisI wonder how long it would take to get to the top of the web novel rankings