"I'm saying this out of the loyalty we've built between us, so please take it as sincere advice. You all should look after your appearance if you want to be idols. Especially you hyung, I'm really worried you might suffer mentally from hate comments saying you look like a chewed up and spat out squid."

"Chewed up…"

"Still, I'm really grateful to you all for not pretending to be good people and staying true to your trashy nature until the end. This way, there's no need for me to feel guilty about ruining everything by leaving."

Bastards. 

"Sir CEO, you're going to fail at everything you try your hand at. Mr president*, you too. Oh, and I'm not saying this because I plan to go around spreading what went down in this room, so don't worry. It's obvious that the directress sitting over there is powerful enough to render our CEO unable to properly look her in the eye. I don't want to get stabbed for running my mouth."

*he’s referring to a 대표님 which translates to president so i’m assuming there was a president, ceo and the directress in the room. 

With that said, I turned my back to Mr President's screams to 'catch that crazy bastard' and my(former) colleague's pleadings of 'why can't it be me instead sir?' and left the bar.

I belatedly lost the strength in my legs and fell down when I was an appropriate distance away from the VIP room and the bar.

4:30 AM.

The streets were empty at this hour, so I let myself crouch there since I didn't have to be wary of any gazes.

"I thought I was going to die from my nerves back there…"

I was not particularly happy, having just cut off people I got along with just fine on such terrible terms.

…. We didn't get along just fine though, did we.

Thinking back, there were many moments throughout my training period where I felt like things weren't right.

The agency's attempts to lower my confidence, the gaslighting saying it was all for my sake.

I had just chosen to ignore it.

'I wanted to believe that even though they weren't the nicest people, they still acted in my best interest.'

But what can I do about the past?

I decided to consider it fortunate that I came to my senses before signing the contract.  As the president said, I won't be able to step into the entertainment world again, but what can I do?

I can't stand the sight of that cesspit of an industry anyway.

I ended up experiencing this misfortune when I was still a trainee, so how much more shady must the treatment of celebrities in the entertainment industry be?

"That bastard's expression earlier was really funny though…"

It's not like I was going to be a pushover until the end.

Five years have passed since that day.

Many trainees who attended the same school had in the meantime fallen to the former agency’s temptation to focus on idol activities and quit.

I did not particularly regret the hasty decision I made that day since I don't think acquiring a high school diploma will change my life dramatically.

I was living quite well despite having helplessly let go of my only purpose and dream.

Thereafter, I lived the pleasant  life of an unemployed bum, I blasted the air conditioner during summer and in the winter I was kept warm by the heaters. Holed up in the corner of my room, I spent all day passionately playing games while getting fed three meals by the housekeeping auntie, I even posted on y**tube from time to time.

If I were to think of the only adversity I've suffered, it would be the military service which I served as soon as I turned twenty.

That… seriously i don’t even want to talk about it. I don’t dare sleep with my legs facing the direction of the military camp to date.

Eventually, I “coincidentally” caught wind of the debut of a certain group who were immediate reserved a seat on the mangdol* express. That day, I nabbed one of my parents’ precious alcohol bottles. 

*It says 망돌 테크 in the raws which is a portmanteau word comprised of the words 망한+아이돌(ruined+idol) but there is no equivalent to mangdol in english and my brain couldn’t comprehend what the 테크 was supposed to mean so i just tl-ed it as mangdol express.

 

Having rich parents was the same as not having parents, they wouldn’t notice anything I do. Anyway, I will continue gaming away as long as I show no sign of being bored of them so my life will remain unchanged.

Or so I thought. 

Until my long forgotten dream reappeared in my life in a manner I would have never thought possible.

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