Bye-Bye

Another exhausting week has passed, and the day has finally arrived. The day I receive 3 million won in cash.

Choi Hyun-Sung …? Was it Choi Sung-hyun? Anyway, I assumed he’d deposit it because a high school student had received my account number, but he called me yesterday and insisted on giving it to me in cash. It didn’t matter whether it was a deposit or cash, as long as I got it.

The cafe where he asked me to meet had partitions in each seat, so it was eligible for a cash-only area.

Cough, cough.

This cough isn’t going away.

The high school kid arrived after I had taken two or three sips of warm citron tea.

“Eh? Why are you here so quickly? Is it ten minutes until the appointment?” 

“Will you be late for money? Give it to me quickly.”

Even before the high school kid sat down, I extended my hand. The adolescent grumbled and sat down, claiming that I was not friendly. I was excited by the sight of him opening the zipper of the cross bag he was carrying.

3 million won! Two months’ worth of my salary!

“…”

But what came out was not a white envelope, but a flashing gold watch.

“What, this?”

“I have no cash. My brother blocked my card.”

“What?”

“It was good to save people, but it’s wrong for me to sneak out with the car, so I’ll pay the repair cost.”

“You said you had enough money for the repair cost.”

“That was the time when the card was active. All of the cards that my parents gave me were blocked by my brother. I’m a beggar now. It’s possible that I’ll have to work part-time.”

The high school kid pronounced part-time job awkwardly as if it were a foreign word he had just learned.

“So you’re going to cover it with some items?”

“Oh, I’m glad I didn’t take it off. This watch is worth ten million won, so you’re lucky.”

“How can I believe that? Do you have a certificate?”

“I threw it away in the past. It isn’t worth it. If you want to sell it secondhand, call him here at this number. I know him, but if you say you got it from me, A-Tech Gold Four, he’ll handle it on his own.”

The high school kid handed me a business card. He is living a good life. I don’t think a high school kid who shows off will be short on money, and it seemed like a good deal. I don’t know how much it’ll sell for because it’s used, but it was originally worth 10 million won, so I believe it’ll sell for more than 3 million.

However, it is uncomfortable because it seems I ripped off a child.

I was debating whether or not to ask, and in the end, I did.

“How much did the car repair cost?”

“Was it one thousand and five hundred or two thousand? I don’t know.”

I was surprised at the price that was higher than expected.

Can I really have this watch?

“Then you won’t be able to work regular part-time in the future to pay back the repair cost.”

“No, I already paid for the repair.”

“You already pay it?”

“I don’t have the money because I spent it on that.”

“…”

“I have to work part-time if I don’t have enough pocket money. However, when I don’t have enough money, I just think about selling hats or shoes, and since a used one is 5 million won, I can live with that for a week.”

I decided to receive the watch without any hesitation. I wanted to punch this high school kid in the face with this watch, but I resisted.

“Put it in the case. If it gets scratched, the price will be reduced.” 

Given that he was considerate of taking care of the case, I thought it was a good thing that I’m holding it in.

I was putting the business card in my wallet and realized I was forgetting something important.

“What’s your name? Choi Hyun-seok?”

“Damn, are you a stone head? Memorize it, Choi Sung-hyun!”

“Oh, Choi Sung-hyun.”

That’s right, it was Choi Sung-hyun. I have to sell the watch, so let’s memorize them properly.  Choi Sung-hyun looked at me pityingly as he stood up with his bag.

“I came out when my brother wasn’t around, so I have to go back quickly. I will contact you later”

“Uh… Yeah.”

I wondered why he would call again after our business was over, but I didn’t ask.

“No, Hyung! You go out later.”

Choi Sung-hyun freaked out when I got up to leave now.

“Please come out five minutes after I leave. There are bodyguards outside.”

“You have bodyguards following you…?”

“A monitoring to make sure that I don’t do useless things. They were assigned to me by my father. If they find out I was with the person involved in the car accident, my father will scold me and if it gets into my brother’s ears, we’re screwed. My Hyung would notice everything before and after simply hearing the words ‘the two of them met at a cafe’?”

It seemed that the bean pods for his older brother were on the level of Jack and the Beanstalk, but I didn’t say this either.

“Okay. Five minutes?”

“Yeah, see you later.”

Why should you and I ever meet again?

“Go home safely.”

Choi Sung-hyun left, and I drank citron tea while looking at the clock.

A-Tech Gold Four. A-tech is a famous brand I have heard of. The hour, minute, and second pins are working fine, and the time is right.

Should I just wear it instead of selling it?

I liked it because it wasn’t even big for a man’s watch. First, I put it on my wrist with the idea of taking a picture. After I put it on, it felt better.

While looking satisfactorily, I inadvertently raised my head in response to the sound of creaking and moving partitions, and I froze as I realized who it was.

“Long time no see, Seo-yu ssi.”

My mouth twitched as I politely greeted him and watched the man sitting in the seat where Choi Sung-hyun was sitting.

Why is Hyung-nim coming out of there?

The man in the perfectly tailored suit with the cold expression was still sexy and frightening.

He sat down and crossed his legs while looking at my wrist slowly. There was enough tension to tingle the flesh. I lowered my hand under the table and smiled awkwardly.

“Oh, haha. What a coincidence that I’ve run into you in all of these places.”

“It’s not a coincidence.”

Shit.

“You’re wearing a watch that I’ve seen quite a few times.”

“Watch? Maybe because it’s famous… haha.”

“Until when are you going to lie? Do I look like a fool?”

I was so taken aback that my shoulders were trembling. The man never emitted pheromones, but a sense of intimidation ran through his body, putting pressure on me. It was like being a mouse in front of a leopard.

“Choi Sung-hyun must have brought you in to make it sound like an accident and to be less scolded. If you give them money, most of the snobs will fall for it.”

It’s right that I did something wrong, and everything he says is true. But I can’t simply accept it and move on.

“You saw the will. It’s an app that can’t manipulate time, that’s it.”

“There are many people who write wills. I also always keep a paper will at home, and Choi Sung-hyun also has…”

“That’s because you’re rich and an Alpha… ordinary people like us don’t write wills unless we really mean it.”

However, the man didn’t seem to believe it. He just stared at me coldly, as if waiting for me to make more excuses.

“It’s really frustrating. Ordinary people don’t write wills unless they really want to commit suicide. Go and grab someone then ask, ‘Have you written a will?’ “

“They say that regular office workers always carry a resignation letter with them.”

“It’s different from a resignation letter! A will is really written with the risk of death!”

I screamed out of frustration. I should have ordered iced water instead of warm citron tea.

“I can’t believe it. You don’t look like you want to die at all.”

“It’s because I decided not to die anymore thanks to Sung-hyun~.”

“Then explain why.”

The man said slowly, in a calm tone.

“You don’t look like someone who wants to die. If you explain why you want to die convincingly, I’ll admit it. However, if you don’t, I’ll interpret it as a scam to Choi Sung-hyun, a scam to obtain that watch.”

What the…

I was speechless.

What did I do? Why would I? Why would I tell a stranger a secret about myself that neither my coworkers nor my one and only friend are aware of?

I was just about to ask if he was crazy.

“As expected, my prediction was right. You were there to scam someone.”

A cold smirk appeared on the man’s lips when he noticed I wasn’t talking. The polite honorifics had disappeared, and the eyes were filled with contempt.

“People who really want to die don’t take suicide as lightly as you do. Choi Sung-hyun, where did you get this beggar?”

The moment I heard that my mouth opened automatically.

“It was my older brother’s death anniversary.”

It’s never because of the watch. This is because I want to cast doubt on the man who is certain of his reasoning. I’d like to distort that constant expression of indifference.

“When I was young, there was an accident, and my parents died on the spot. My older brother was hospitalized, but he died a week later. That day was my brother’s anniversary.”

Of course, as the man said, I’m a snob who steals from a high school kid, but I got angry when he disrespected my desire to die.

In the end, I didn’t jump… unfortunately, that is.

“I had always thought I would die after this year’s ancestral rites, and I really tried to put that thought into action that day. I’d jump off if it weren’t for your brother.”

My parents died instantly in an accident, and my older brother was taken to the hospital and died a week later. Relatives hold ancestral rites together on the anniversary of my parents’ deaths, but I always perform separate rites with my brother’s friends on the anniversary of my brother’s death.

In fact, calling it a ritual is too grand. It’s just cutting some fruit, going to the ossuary to and complain. In any case, my older brother’s friends make all of the transportation and lodging arrangements.

My older brother’s friends still treat me like a child because there was a considerable age difference with my older brother. A 16-year-old middle school kid who suddenly suffered the death of his family.

When I get home from being treated like a younger brother, I can’t help but want to die because of the empty seats of the three people who dissapeared so suddenly.

That day I really wanted to die.

“It’s my older brother’s death anniversary…”

“…”

“How come you chose this year’s anniversary rather than next year or the year before?”

“Because I didn’t want to exceed my brother’s age.”

The man’s brow furrowed. Maybe I’m as expressionless as this man now.

I lowered my eyes.

“I am twenty-seven now, and my older brother also died at this age. I was going to die because I feel sorry to live longer than my brother.”

“You’re twenty-seven?”

The man frowned upon hearing my age. Does he feel uncomfortable when a guy younger than him talks informally?

“What does it matter how old I am?  It’s proven now, I’m leaving.”

“Even if the date was right, I wonder if you actually want to jump at that time. On CCTV, you took a step back before Choi Sung-hyun car arrived.”

“No, that’s shit…”

I was frustrated and cursed because he still refused to believe this serious story.

“Do you have a video? Do you have it now?”

The man took out his cell phone. CCTV footage is stored on the phone.

Wow, a pervert.

I paused the video at the scene where I took a step back.

“Look. If you look closely, you’ll notice that I’m taking off my shoes while stepping back. When I take it off halfway, I see a car accident and put it back on as I run to it. I was taking off my shoes before I jump. Everyone took off their shoes when they jumped the river or the sea.”

“…”

“Are you a fucking psycho? Shouldn’t you believe it if the person you’re speaking with suddenly becomes serious?”

I was so frustrated that I asked the man who might be a gangster if he was a psycho. Fortunately, he didn’t look offended but rather had wrinkles between his eyes.

“You should make it believable. You have a bright expression for someone who wants to die.”

“Do you think all suicidal people are like this? Even if they smile on the outside, there are a lot of people with depression on the inside.”

“… It’s hard to believe you because of this appearance.”

“Oh, do you want me to show you my depression certificate?”

“You really want to die?”

“Yeah, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die. I’m going crazy.” 

It’s an unusual situation in which I’m forced to explain that I really want to die.

I never imagined myself in a position where I would have to defend my desire to die. I refused to acknowledge my heart and responded that it was all a lie.

“Even if a family member has died, it is not very common for people to commit suicide by jumping into a river, and there are many people who tried it but returned because they were afraid of actually seeing the river.”

“No, didn’t I take off my shoes? I also wrote a will. And how much grief must have built up since I lost a family when I was young? I was looking forward to the day when I would die, and for someone who wants to commit suicide right away, fear of the river isn’t a big deal.”

“There was a big age difference with your brother.”

“We were 11 years apart. I was the youngest and the most loved, so it was even more shocking.”

“Even so, choosing the anniversary of your brother’s death as the day of suicide is not convincing, but wouldn’t it be possible if it was the anniversary of your parents?”

“I was at the scene of the accident. My brother could have survived, but he died in vain in order to save me. It’s because of that guilt.”

It was ridiculous and unbelievable why I was talking about this, but this man seemed to have no conscience to be moved by the painful realities of others.

So somehow, the story came out more easily.

I’ve told my counselor that I don’t think about suicide anymore.

Is it because I won’t be seeing him anymore?  Or is it because the man treats it lightly?

“Then you still want to die?”

Is he a real psycho? 

The man asked if I still wanted to die with a cold face. My black eyes glowed with curiosity. He seemed to understand because the question and answer were repeated several times. Instead of responding, I asked him.

“Have you never wanted to die?”

“No. Of course not.”

The firm response, without hesitation, reminded me of our previous conversation.

‘Did you have any reason to die?’

‘Something like this and that… Isn’t there a time when you also want to die?’

‘I don’t know.’

The answer ‘I don’t know’ was sincere.

It was heartbreaking to realize I was speaking to someone who would never understand me.

He lives in a completely different world than me.

“That’s enough. Anyway, I wanted to die, tried to die, but your brother saved me, and I’ll return this watch, so stop it right now.”

I took off the watch in a bad mood.

While explaining to the man, I remembered the day’s accident.

I feel very bad and heartbroken. My heart sinks to the point where I wonder if I’ll ever come back. I’m not sure if this damn pain is the result of the moment millions of dollars flew away, or of the accident that day.

Cold river.

The hand that pushed me away with all its might.

I bit my lips.

I will never cry.

I haven’t cried for 10 years and I’ve been doing well.

I will never cry, even if a piece of broken teacup falls into my eye.

The fishy taste of blood quickly leaked from the inside of the bitten lips.

I held out the watch to the man, but he didn’t even look at it.

The man was staring at me. As if observing a creature he saw for the first time.

I glared the same way without avoiding that gaze.

“… Please keep it.”

The man ended the long confrontation first. It’s a meaningless expression of respect.

“As an apology.”

“…”

I didn’t even ask if I could have the watch. I put it in my bag and looked the man in the eyes.

“I understand, we’ve finished talking about it.”

I said it firmly on purpose. At times like this, I felt compelled to maintain strong eye contact without lowering my gaze.

Aside from the scar on his cheek, there was a small scar above his brow when I looked at him closely. It looked like a cut.

I gently lowered my eyes.

As a gangster, something about death… did that happen?

The man sees me talking lightly about death, but it is this man who treats me lightly.

Normally, they are unable to say anything or apologize with an awkward look when they learn that a member of someone’s family has died, but the man dug in to cut them. Maybe it’s because he works in a field that deals with death and is unable to empathize, or maybe it’s because he truly believes it’s a lie…

I stood up suppressing my curiosity.

“I’ll get going now. I understand that Sung-hyun should be disciplined for driving without a license, but since he saved my life, please don’t punish him too harshly.”

“It is not my job to discipline. It is entirely up to the parents.”

You’re already disciplining me right now.

I laughed inwardly and stopped.

The man who got up after me was big enough to create tension just by standing there. I noticed it the last time we met, but when we stood together, the difference in height became more obvious.

How tall was he? More than 195cm?

He had a huge and strong body that made him look like an athlete. 

Even if he was wearing a suit, it was clear that his entire body was muscular. He’s a cruel psycho who stabbed my wounds mercilessly, but his body… melts my heart.

“Goodbye.” 

When we came out, the employee who was coming to clean up was taken aback. It is due to the existence of the men. The large physique itself is intimidating, but approaching quickly will be difficult due to the cold eyes and scars on the cheek.

Two black sedans were parked outside the cafe (it was not in the parking lot!). When the man come out, the brothers in suits left the car door open and waited.

I was still a little sick,  so I coughed a few times. I coughed as soon as I was hit by the cold wind.

“Are you still suffering from a cold?”

“This year, I’ve had a bad cold. You should be cautious as well.”

“Did you go to Han River again?”

“Let’s stop talking about that now. Goodbye, and please convey my greetings to Sung-hyun.”

“I’ll take you home.”

“I have an appointment. Goodbye.”

I walked forward, saying goodbye as casually as possible. The back of my head ached, but I pretended not to notice. The man didn’t catch me until I got a taxi and left.

Sigh… 

I sat leaning against the taxi seat. Fortunately, he was not a meddlesome person.

I laughed in vain.

Will there ever be another time in my life when I come across alpha like this?

If I were more omega-like, I would seduce him and at least try a one-night stand

The man did not emit any pheromones even when they first met and now. It’s not easy for a dominant alpha to do that.

Despite the fact that he spoke without thinking and looked down on me, he was the most polite alpha I had ever met. I’ve met ten alphas who have tried to manipulate me with pheromones.

Since I decided to live my life…

I want to build a loving family. I want to marry a wealthy and handsome Alpha and work hard to help out.

So it was unfortunate that the relationship with that man came to an end.

I felt regret that I should have led the conversation without being harsh, smiling softly, and evoking sympathy.

But I don’t think a caterpillar should live on pine needles, he was not my destiny.

He and I are too different to be meant to be.