Autopsy of a Mind

Around ten at night, the doorbell rang. I expected him to come over, so I trudged to the door and opened it without thinking. Sebastian had Sheng Sheng tucked under his arm and looked rather exhausted himself. He didn't greet me. Instead, he brushed past me and into the apartment like he owned the place. 

I cursed under my breath as I remembered Dr. Knight's words before slamming the door shut. 

"Why do you look like that?" I asked. 

He turned to me with disappointment clear in his eyes. "Dean filed for bail but the court rejected it." I sighed in relief. "They actually got a very good lawyer. They've asked for the interrogation tape and everything, so I fear they will try to tear apart whatever tactics we used."

I frowned. Suddenly, I understood what it meant. "Isn't that what always happens?" I asked. 

"Yeah, but it was your first time. I fear what questions they will bring up for you," he grumbled. 

"So much for your faith in me. I might not have been taken to court, but I am sure you know how well I can talk." I smiled as I sat beside him and watched him. His tie was hanging loosely from his neck and his shirt was unbuttoned. I could see a sliver of skin peeking out and looked away. 

"What's wrong?" he asked. I could hear the confusion in his voice. 

"No, I just returned from my session with Dr. Knight. We had some eye-opening conversations," I shrugged. I was itching to ask him if it were true. But I was also scared of how he would reply. Rejection would be awkward. We worked together and having a relationship between us could be complicated.

"You clearly have something to say," he pressed. "When did you start holding back from me?" he chuckled. 

"Oh, it's nothing," I waved it off. 

"You spoke about me," he concluded. I looked at him with no expression, so that he wouldn't guess what about. "What did you two talk about?" 

I was about to speak when he interjected. "About me. What about me?"

I shook my head. "Nothing about you," I lied. He squinted at me. 

"Lying is a bad habit, Evie. I can read you like an open book. What? Was it about the two of us sleeping together? Did he talk you off for mixing pleasure and business?" I guffawed. 

"Pleasure?" I said in sarcasm. "I don't know what you mean by that." Rolling my eyes, I stood up. 

"Well, physically, you can't call us sleeping together pleasurable, but you do get the honor of sleeping beside me. No one has had that opportunity. You should feel happy," he joked. 

I stared at me. "You've never slept beside anyone?" I squeaked. He looked at me weirdly. 

I pressed my lips together. "I look like someone who has never been in a relationship, don't I?" I scratched my neck. 

"Nothing wrong with that. I look the same." 

"Strange," I looked at him curiously. "Why did you never get a girlfriend?"

"I never liked anyone in that capacity."

"So, you went to college and studied with the brightest mind and never felt attracted to someone's intelligence?" I found it hard to believe. "You really don't know such human emotions?" I had to admit, this conversation was purely based on the fact that I had to disprove Dr. Knight's hypothesis.

"It's not that I wasn't interested in intelligent people but I know the distinction between being curious and feeling genuine affection for someone. I don't get carried away by lust be it bodily or psychological." He turned to me. "I know human emotions the best. Therefore, I know what I want."

Well, I supposed that would prove it. I smiled. "Good to know."

I turned to leave and heard him grumbling in the background. 

"It seems you spoke about my relationships, too. How strange." I froze. 

"Don't try to analyze me. It won't work." I scurried off to the kitchen to prepare food for Sheng Sheng. When I came out, he stared at me. 

"I could ask, but that would be breaching confidentiality. I would rather you told me." He seemed more curious than I had ever seen him. He could probably guess what this was about. 

"We spoke about if sleeping together would change the nature of our relationship. I told him that was not possible." 

"Why?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"As you said, you are not someone who gets carried away by emotions. You understand what you are feeling and can distinguish them. So..." I trailed off. 

"I know how to distinguish them but I am not a stone." He rolled his eyes. I was taken aback. 

"Well, I will be treating you like a stone because I need to learn how to accept the touch of others." There was complete silence.

"Accept the touch of others? Why does that sound so lewd..." He shook his head in disgust. 

"Yes, it is part of my homework. Holding your hand while we sleep might be too much, so I will start with just getting used to being in close proximity to you for now." I felt proud of myself. 

"Well, you do place things between us when we sit. You also run away from my touch a lot. I guess it's part of your symptoms." He smiled. "Well, I'll help you out."

"Well, you're one of the very few people I trust, so I will start with you. Maybe walking on the street will get easier." I grinned with anticipation. "Maybe I can lead a normal life like other people." I could only wonder. Was that life really possible for me? Maybe... I dared to hope. 

"What does normal mean for you?" he asked softly. 

"Sharing my life with people, not being scared..." 

"No one is normal, Evie. What you live is normal life for you. People put on facades to seem like they fit into perfect little boxes, but in reality, everyone is struggling with their demons. Your goal should be to live freely like you want to without the constraints of the voices in your head." He placed his hand on my head. 

I froze for a slight moment before easing into his touch. It wasn't as bad as Dr. Knight. I could guess it was because I trusted Sebastian explicitly.

"This process of desensitization should work well." I nodded and grabbed his wrist. "What do you want to eat?" I asked. He blinked. 

"I don't want to cook." He said plainly. "It's already so late. You shouldn't cook either. Want to order something?" 

"I suppose both of us are tired. Ordering out is okay... but the place needs to be sanitary, vegetarian and up to my standards," I said firmly. He nodded. 

"I have just the place." He grabbed his cellphone and dialed a number. He was talking on the phone and he turned to me. 

"What do you want?" he asked. 

"I don't know what restaurant you are ordering from," I replied. He furrowed his brow and rattled off the names of the dishes. 

"I don't know. You choose." His expression froze. He said something and I frowned. "Not that. Anything else?" He had a helpless expression on his face. 

Finally, the order was placed. He hung up. "It should arrive in thirty minutes," he told me. "By the way, I thought you would be different, but you're not. People grumble about women telling them to choose and then vetoing their choice. I never thought you would fall in that."

I was stumped for words. "I am not sure what you are talking about." I scoffed. "You didn't even tell me what cuisine we were having. You were really thoughtless in this event." I sounded like I was scolding. 

"Is this our first disagreement?" he asked, looking bewildered. 

"I'm sure we have argued before," I commented. 

"No. We have not. This is our first argument." He suddenly looked delighted. 

"I have never heard anyone look so happy about having a disagreement." What a weird alien.

"I'll have to excuse myself. You're opening up to me. Your dreams of being a normal person with normal relationships might come true earlier than you anticipate." He messed up my hair and then moved away quickly. "Ah! I see the irritation in your eyes, too. Evie, I think you will be just fine."

"You're really strange," I commented. 

"I figured out what you talked about. That's why I am being strange." I froze.